strong as a can

it's friday! that means random thoughts:

-there's a guy in my office named mitch mitchell. wow.

-so and so is the best character in teen girl squad. and don't let cheerleader tell you any different.

-so i drink these 'soup at hand' things at work. they are good. the point is that you can just drink them straight out of the can. yet the directions clearly tell you to "stir thoroughly." hmmm. if i had a spoon to stir with, why would i need to drink it out of the can? i credit nina for pointing out this absurdity.

-rite now ahren is sleeping in our house. and in about 6 hours im gonna get to drink half and half's with ahren's homemade brew.

-i don't like when georgia tech grads refer to their alma mater as the 'MIT of the south.' somehow i just can't see kenny anderson pulling an all niter at the course 6 lab.

-i bet adam sandler and drew barrymore would be fun to hang out with in real life.

so apparently in beavercreek, ohio the town has the right to ruin halloween. first off, they have set today as the day for legal trick or treating. um, i'm fairly sure today is not halloween. that would be tomorrow. halloween comes on a friday roughly 1 out of seven years. and they're taking that away. they took a holiday that was rightfully on a weekend nite and put it on a school nite. this is ridiculous.

next they set hours. 6-8pm. i don't know about you, but when i was growing up trick or treating was like a 7 hour extravaganza. easily 4-11pm. seriously, a 2 hour window? they're not even going to be able to fill up a plastic grocery bag in that time. just terrible.

the thing i don't get is, how is this possibly legal? how can the town dictate when it's citizens can or cannot walk up and down the streets and request to walk on private property? is halloween a state of emergency? isn't it the property owner's decision whether or not to let kids ring their bell and ask for candy?

i hear next year they're moving it 2-2:43pm on a monday, banning anyone to dress in anything other than jeans and unmarked red t-shirts, and mandating raisins be handed out to all participants. and readings by mao zedong will be blasted from speakers on every corner.

nina and i went to the annual "boo and brew" in downtown dayton on saturday. don't ask why it was on october 25th. it was a lot more fun than i thought it would be. we went as jim and michelle from american pie. i had a pie tin attached to my crotch and a video tape glued to my hand. nina had a red wig, a recorder, and a tall oaks band camp shirt. most people didn't get it.

one year we went as shaggy and velma, and i think eventually we'll go as thing 1 and thing 2. ahren's idea of sam adams and st. pauli's girl is great. we are always looking for good duos to go as. please comment with your favorite costume. mine would be when ali went as me.

the best costume we saw saturday was worn but one of our new friends here. he was a stop light. with working lights that he could change. whenever he was cornered he gave a strong red light. plus he knows all about homestar runner.

nina also pointed out how halloween gives girls free license to dress like skanks. this is a valid observation. i can't tell you how many french maids, flappers, white vinyl nurses, or fem bots (with turrets comin out of their jubblies) we saw.

it's friday so now for some random thoughts:

-anytime you need a good laugh, just think of bill murray's hair by the end of kingpin.

-calculus is really cool. don't ever let any english teachers tell you otherwise. if they do, remind them that it is the central idea behind almost all the laws of physics and motion used to desribe how things work in this world. then ask them how many poems or sonnets can do that.

-there can't be a more antiquated or arbitrary law as 'no alcohol sales on sunday.' i make a motion that no chicken breasts will be sold on tuesday. that would just as much sense.

-going into a bar hoping to play darts and seeing an electronic dart board is horrible. i can't think of a good comparison for this. any suggestions?

-i like bologna. it is tasty. and it's spelled funny.

-i invented a new beer this week. i call it the long island snakebite. half bud (preferrably out of a can), half guiness. was it good you say? not so much. it's like mixing oil and water. don't look for it on the menu at my pub.

so i've been working this job for around 6 weeks. i am now completely inefficient. at this point about the only thing i could add to my resume would be under the skills section:

-minesweeper extraordinaire, has completed the intermediate level in 42 seconds and consistently finishes under the minute mark.

anyway, i've started writing something. yes, i do this at work. maybe a short story, maybe a novel. when you're two pages in, a novel seems like a stretch. but one thing's missing. a plot line. this seems fairly important. i was gonna write about chicken farming in san diego, but i'll let wendy use that one for her memoirs. all i've got so far is this guy who works in new york city. my originality is astounding. i say we brainstorm for plot lines. ready go.

i can't thank lemmer enough for introducing me to home star runner. please please go to the "strong bad and co." link to the left. hi five, stick.

so the yanks are in the world series and the cowboys are 5-1. does that mean mike dunleavy will grab the helm and take my beloved golden state warriors to the playoffs?

the weather is absolutely gorgeous at this time of year. sunny and warm during the day and cool enough at nite to wear a sweatshirt. the leaves have been changing slowly over the past few weeks but i've noticed a severe contrast since the weekend. almost every tree has yellow leaves and every yard is covered in them, like some sort of blanket for the ground. it is so nice to see a change of season after dealing with three straight years of summer. the locals have been saying it's warmer than usual for this time of year, so it seems we brought some warmth with us. most sunday afternoons we barbeque on our back porch, and sitting out there with a beer while dinner cooks and the sun sets has a real cozy feel to it. now's the time of year when nature is practically begging you to go for a hike, or a jog, or a walk - anything to get you outside before winter hits.

yeah, i love the fall.

and now some random thoughts for a friday...

-peanut butter and banana is the most underrated and under-consumed sandwich. they taste like a dessert and are so good for you. i had one for lunch last week. 4 days in a row.

-"sideburns" is a great nickname. nina (ahren- read ninja) pointed this out. if only i could grow any damn facial hair, she could ask me "what about you sideburns? you want some milk?"

-the seventy year old guy whose office is across from mine can't possibly appreciate that i play the black crowes greatest hits CD 4 times every day.

-bosses day was this week. we signed cards and someone brought in 3 cakes. one guy even made a quasi-emotional speech about his boss. none of this is a lie. i wish it was.

-i like dogs and all, but cats are far superior. until there are 500 pound dogs running around in the wild that can kill 7 antelope in a half hour, cats have my vote. watch "living with tigers" on the discovery channel. you'll understand.

-i finished atlas shrugged this week. best book i've read to date. i'm on to bringing down the house. any suggestions after that?

last night was the greatest game i've ever seen. as a fan i have never been so emotionally involved in a game. the fact that it was yanks-sox made the series what it was. in the top of the first last nite, 56,279 fans were on their feet when clemens got damon to a 2 strike count. let's face it, that would not happen if they were playing the a's. when the yanks lost to the d-backs in 2001 i was simply disappointed. but when they were down 5-2 to start the 8th i was just flat out irate that they might lose to the sox. i can't explain it.

i think the series was one of the best ever. no blow outs, every game the team trailing within a 3-run jack to tie or lead, spectacular defense, great pitching, drama to the extreme, comebacks, brawls, it had it all.

how do you spell redemption? G-I-A-M-B-I. i had lost total confidence in him during the past 4 weeks, and obviously so did torre. he'll probably roll with this and mash in the world series.

two words for Mo - fucking unreal. he is simply amazing.

one word for grady - slingblade. if you close your eyes when he's talking you would swear it was billy bob thorton. grady constantly looks overwhelmed during games, but I hate that the media is second guessing him for leaving pedro in. you have to leave him in. if you yank him and the relievers blow it, he would've been second guessed too. damned if he did, damned if he didn't.

it was really funny when they showed bret boone after aaron's game winner. a look of bewilderment and pride in his kid brother. but you know as cocky as he is, bret, deep down, was also thinking "i'm better, that should be me."

good thing there's no game tonite. i need some sleep. go yanks.

we bought a new game on sunday called "scene it." it mixes movie trivia with answering questions about movie clips (on the included DVD). i highly encourage the purhcase of this game, even though i'm down in the series 3-2 to nina. i don't recommend using the popcorn gamepiece - apparently it's bad luck.

last nite we went mini-golfing at "captain bogey's." there were funny signs all over this place like "don't throw cigarette butts in the mulch," and "captain bogey is not responsible for any injuries sustained in the batting cages." anyway, i used a hot pink ball. it was awesome. i find it almost impossible to play a round without riding the putter like happy gilmore but i somehow resisted last nite. the course was pretty weak - not one "hit it thru the house" shot. i like mini-golf a lot but i think the 18th hole is stupid. it's not even a hole, just a way for the place to get the ball back. you still hafta turn in your putter, but apparently they think the putter AND ball would just be too much. and it's the same at every place. this should be remedied.

anyway, everytime we go mini-golfing it reminds us of when we went with cj and katrina in ft. lauderdale. they were first dating and cj was getting so mad cuz he was losing. he kept calling 2 stroke penalties on katrina for laughing or not keeping the ball on the green. and he was dead serious. it was priceless. then i won and he stormed off the course. katrina was almost in tears. naturally we found this all so so funny, and luckily he regrouped in time for the go carts...

we also started a 1000 piece mystery puzzle where you put the puzzle together and then figure out some riddles or some jive like that. it's hard to do puzzles with oscar in the room cuz he constantly jumps on the table and flicks the pieces on the floor. who says cats aren't as good as children?

some random thoughts for a friday:

roar. i'm eating a bagel like a dinosaur rite now.

if you've never had a half and half (a beer that is 1/2 harp and 1/2 guinness) go try one. now. they're really good, i'm even drinking them over my beloved bud cans. even if you don't like it, it's still cool to watch the guinness cascade as you pour it.

i'm at work. kristina's at work. i bet lemmer's at work. but not ali.

gilmore girls is the best hour of television each week. tuesday nites, 8pm, WB.

don't they have AC, fans, or people with palm fronds in france?

i just burned my tongue on coffee. god, when will i learn.

people keep saying bernie williams is done. boy do i hope he's done like this next year.

when is someone gonna buy into my idea of a wind powered car? i have it all figured out. email me if interested. but i won't hold my breath.

i make a motion to re-introduce "broad" and "dame" into society. that way we can all enjoy someone saying, "that's one classy broad." it'll be like the roaring twenties. roar.

so here's some things i've noticed from the MLB playoffs so far that i'll title "Some Things Change"...

-pitchers who are considered their teams ace turn down their team when asked to throw on 3 days rest and facing elimination (schmidt, pedro). can you imagine bob gibson or sandy koufax or even clemens saying "i can't go, let jerome williams throw the most important game of the season"?

-those pesky small ball marlins show the the big boppin giants their style can win too

-the cubs win a postseason series, and have the 2 most dominant pitchers since schilling and johnson

-derek lowe strikes out the final batter and then celebrates with a "suck on this" gesture towards the batter and the a's dugout. remember when people just pumped a fist or threw their glove in the air?

-johnny damon throws like a girl

-the braves choke again, but this time because their unbelievable lineup doesn't produce

-the yankees supposed big bopper (giambi) says things like "i don't make excuses. i mean i could've been on the DL for my knee or my eyes or... but i don't even bring them up" yeah those don't sound like excuses. can't you just here mattingly or reggie or the mick saying those things? yeah right. i mean, the mick would play drunk (literally) on two completely torn apart knees and still go yard.

-sammy hits a home run when the cubs need it (i.e. not in the 4th inning of a 12-1 game). that jack last nite was huge.

and "Some Things Stay the Same"...

-jeter, bernie, mariano dominate (mo is so good that he throws 2 2-inning saves and only uses 1 pitch to do it...posada doesn't even hafta give signs)

-manny shows us what a classy guy he is

-the a's blow 3 games when a win in any advances them to the next round

-chavez and tejada show us what they're made of (i.e. combined 3-45). there's nothing more predictable in the playoffs than eric chavez swinging at head high fastballs for strike three late in the game.

-zito shows he's the shit and takes the ball on 3 days rest (yes he lost, but it was him or rich harden so he sacked up)

-the twins prove you can take good defense and 9 slightly above average hitters only so far

-jeter still can't go to his left, but he sure does make that go-to-his-right-then-jump-and-throw play look easy

"hey, uh, sheldon - this suit makes my balls itch." don't you just love spinner?

the other nite a friend of ours from florida was in town on business. his name is gummy. he likes to tell people that he is "145 pounds of steel and twisted sex appeal." gummy is also prone to making thrusting gestures and yelling "you got gummified," when he scores on you in crud. yes, he is great. anyway, he told us that whenever he's in a discussion and he either deems it too serious or has nothing left to say, he just states "i like cheese." he says this is a sure fire way to end a conversation, or at least change the subject.

i told him that yelling "you got gummified" has the same effect, but nonetheless i think this is a fantastic idea.

"no, uh, uh, I'M moochy."

who decided that people should work 40 hour weeks and that this should become standard? when was this decision made? did the workers have any say in this matter?

so i would imagine that the argument about work-weeks goes way back, but let's assume it started to become a more vocal issue around the time industry started to boom, when factories employed children, and all that. at that time, workers were working very long days. i don't have exact numbers but much longer than 8 hours. the reason for this was that longer days meant more work production and thus more profit. it's safe to say cigarette, coffee, and hour long lunch breaks were not allowed. i think this is when the idea of unions sprung up, but i'll let ahren vent on unions some other time. gradually, the idea of long work days and 6 or 7 day work weeks evolved into 40 hour, 5 day work weeks. i don't understand why.

i think this has lead to gross inefficiency in our society. it makes workers live by the clock. i cannot believe that having workers live by the clock makes for either happy employees or efficient employees. i have only been working in the realm of corporate america for a month, but this is my take so far. i am rarely busy, and never for a full 8 hours. so in order to reach my quota of hours/week, there are times i have to sit in my office, or go b.s. with co-workers, or walk around. none of these things are productive for the company. but the fact is that i have to put in my time just like everyone else. it doesn't take a genius to realize this will eventually cause resentment towards the job. it's only a matter of time before your desk is in the basement and you're mumbling "i want my stapler please..."

when i do have work to do at this new job, i am very efficient at it and usually have it done before it is expected. more important, i get the impression that it would make no difference to anyone if i took double or triple the time to finish the task. i have even been told to maybe work slower. i can't do that. so it seems i should waste more time between starting tasks.

i don't understand inefficiency. does it stem from people being easily distracted? are they just slow workers? what is it? i think it is partially because people know they have to stay at work until 5pm. they know their task won't take all day, so they put it off and put it off and even if it doesn't get finished there's always tomorrow. but maybe tomorrow they get a new task, and now they are swamped. neither task is finished when it could have been. i blame this on both the individual and the standard work week.

i'm not sure i have a solution. at first it seems maybe workers should just be done for the day when they finish their tasks. but inevitably this will lead to rush jobs so workers can get out of the office, people ignoring phone calls, emails, work requests so they can claim they are finished for the day. maybe a system where you are not required a given number of hours to earn a paycheck, but instead are paid for your productivity would be better. but then there needs to be some measure for productivity. any suggestions?

lastly, i would just like to point out that while this only probably applies to 1/3 of the members of the profession, teachers are some of those who actually work 40+ hours a week. yes they are only at work 8 hours a day (i worked 7:30-3:30)and get a paid (25 minute) lunch. but for those teachers who actually teach all period (that's 5 full hours of lecturing rite there) and grade papers/plan lessons well and efficiently, they are actually doing work close to and maybe more than 40 hours a week. i bet those i'm referring to work more in 180 days per year than most in corporate america do in their 235 or whatever it is.

the last 2 days i've been in a corporate training seminar. i'll rant about this some other time. now i just want to discuss one of my classmates. he's an older guy, been at the business a while. he seems really laid back, though, and today someone points this out. so he agrees but then goes on to tell us the one thing that really makes him mad. apparently this morning he forgot his key to get in the building and the girl at the front desk wouldn't let him in. mind you this is not his home office building, so it's not like she recognizes him. so he tells her he has a company badge, shows her, and she still says no. this is exactly what she is supposed to do. it is a classified setting and if someone forgets their key, they have to go through a process to get let in. but he doesn't wanna hear it, and tells us that his pet peeve is when he "perceives someone as stupid." so he loses his key, the girl does her job rite, and she's stupid. now i think he's a jackass.

so we leave for lunch, and naturally i'm the first one out the door, which is 5 feet from the elevator. so i hit the down button. it lights up. pet peeve boy is standing rite next to me. the light is still on. he goes up and hits the button like 4 more times, and apparently now convinced the elevator will come, backs up a few steps. so this got me thinking, what causes people to hit the elevator button when it's already lit up? i've seen it before and always been confused. i came up with four reasons, 3 of which i can refute.

(1) they don't trust that the light works.

so 10 seconds ago, you didn't trust the light, even after witnessing someone push the button to make it go on. but now that YOU hit the button a few times and the light stays on, it's got your full vote of confidence. very logical...

(2) the only way things get done right are if they do them personally

did you build your car from scratch? did you patch your phone line together? you don't know squat about who built these things, yet you trust them. if you trust these things, why not the elevator?

(3) they think the guy (me) who pushed the elevator button is a dumbass, so the elevator knows not to follow my command.

refer to my response to (1). the fact that i may or may not be a dumbass has no effect on elevator performance, unless i am the elevator builder. in which case refer to (2).

(4) they are too busy talking about their hate for stupidity that they don't realize they have become their pet peeve.

irrefutable.

on a side not, "peeve" is a great name for a cat or dog. that way you are guaranteed to have an answer when some asks "what's your biggest pet peeve?" you can say "a rotweiler" or "a golden retrievor." then you'll get funny looks. and that's always fun. at least in my mind...