strong as a can

oh memorial day weekend. you are almost here...

-i love that burger king commercial, where the little guy in the office says in a a really high voice, "i'mmm spicy!" im weirded out by that hot dog commercial with the fat guy talking about the girth of his hot dog, then chomping down on it.

-how did france ever become one of the 5 permanent members of the UN security council?

-after clamoring for months about the ridiculousness/inefficiency of this project at work, i was taken off of it (there's not enough work for more than 1 person due to the mismanagement of time/funds). of course, since this was the main project i was hired for, i may have just clamored myself into the unemployment line. yippee!

-yesterday it stormed here like i had never seen. my baseball game got rained out, but not until just before game time, so we had to weather the storm in the dugouts. within 15 minutes of raining, the field was under like 5 inches of water. and it hailed. a lot. when the storm finally let up enough to make a run to the cars, there were ice cubes everywhere. they cancelled/delayed schools around here today cuz of the storm. i'd never even heard of such a thing.

-in the ballpark of 2010, nina and i are toying with the idea of moving to europe (germany, maybe) for a year. it'd be so awesome to live and work in some little town, immerse ourselves in the culture, and become fully bilingual.

this morning, nina and i went to bob evans (aka boob evans) for breakfast. we both got this unbelievable concoction of biscuits & hashbrowns covered in over easy eggs covered in gravy covered in cheese. ohmygod it was good. and im now on the fence about pulling my extra chair up, stretching out, and passing out in my office.

last nite, we caught some "champion of champion" texas hold em event on the travel channel, brought to us by the world poker tour. i can't tell you how many times the announcers commented about some feature of the game being courtesy of the "WTP" and everytime i thought of some crazy wrestling league with toilet paper. anyway, they had this feature where all decisions had to be made within 60 seconds. if the countdown reached zero, the table lit up red and the player folded automatically. it actually made it really cool. at commercial breaks, they gave pointers on hold em strategy and taught chip tricks. it was awesome. and one of the guys at the (final) table was this norweigan guy who had entered a free online tourney, won, went to the follow on in aruba, won, and finished 4th at the final table. AND he was the norweigan national paintball champion (???).

to top it off, the winner was this retired AF colonel from dayton, ohio (lg, read: ohio rocks ass!!!).

so th...oh...ooh...enter...ing...food...coma...[gasp]

like caroy, we had a poker nite last weekend. actually it was a no limit texas hold em nite. we even went out and got clay chips from brookstone in hopes we will play semi-regularly. it was really really fun. here's some reasons why:

(1) we consumed beers. lots of em. including king cobra and steel reserve.
(2) we had great snacks, including this kick ass chili/cream cheese/jalapeno jack cheese dip. but i think it was gone before the initial buy-in.
(3) we listened to yellowcard and rufeo while playing. and the o.c. cd.
(4) we watched super troopers between games.
(5) it was the first time we had hosted a party-like event (i.e more than 1-2 guests) at our small crib since moving to ohio.

as for the actual poker, the above four reasons (especially #1) caused the skill level to decline as the nite went on. actually, the skill level was horrible to begin with, but some how it still declined. lots of distractions. and 2 out of the 6 players had never played before (not like ninja and i are seasoned vets, but reading positively fifth street has helped). i couldn't watch those 2 rookies shuffle without laughing my ass off (though maybe that was the king cobra kickin in). i didn't know there were people out there who never learned to shuffle. this game bordered on the one with topher grace (from that 70's show) in ocean's 11. fortunately, no one declared "check it out guys! aallll red!"

i think my best hand all nite was pocket 3's, or maybe when i went all in (short stacked) with K-J against the chip leader who called with 5-6 unsuited, then hit 5 and 6 on the flop to knock me out. unfortunately, taking third at the final table at the goetz residence doesn't get you more than a job as the dealer or a chance to watch farva say "the powdered sugar...it's delicious!" though i guess those are some pretty fun parting gifts. especially when you get to start blasting the remaining players for calling the big blind.

so we didn't win either game. actually, the second one wound up getting split three ways cuz interest was waning, the beers were flowing, and the movie was playing at a mind blaring decibal level. still, it was $40 well spent in my book.

we had sloppy joe's for dinner last nite. it's so good when it hits your lips!

this morning at the gym i caught a glimpse of some news report about some experts warning of a terrorist attack on u.s. soil sometime this summer. now for the ridiculous part: they don't know where or when. i have two problems with this. first, it reeks of the gov't covering their ass in case something does happen. they'll be able to say "look we told you so! we made a (nebulous) warning back in may!" second, what good does it do to make an announcement like this without at least making some note of locations with higher probabilities of being targeted? all an announcement like this can do is cause widespread panic. unless they're going to tell us what places/times to avoid/look for suspicious activites, why bother telling us at all? what knowledge have i gained by given such a warning? none.

today is ninja's 25th birthday! cheers to my lovely lady (remember the lovely ladies in the game baseball stars? they had great socks). unfortunately, it seems she'll hafta spend (some of) it doing homework. ugh. hopefully she'll have time to go out for an apple-tini or two. at least she has a a shopping spree to look forward to, upon which she has vowed to pick up some carmen electra-esque brown sun glasses for our upcoming trip to jamaica. i suppose those are a bit cooler than the fear and loathing in las vegas-esque sun glasses that i suggested. also, on this date in 1844, samuel morse sent the first ever telegraphic message. so we have two reasons to celebrate tonite!

um, last nite point break was on espn classic. yeah. weird.

in other movie news, we saw shrek 2 on saturday. it was great. just make sure you go to a late enough show where there won't be a lot of kids (who, by the way, can't possibly understand like 3/4's of the humor). and you'll get to see a preview for the sponge bob squarepants movie.

it must be friday, cuz my boss and the only two other people i directly work with went golfing. they asked me to go like 20 times, but i need to save my vacation days, well, for vacation. i, unlike them, only have like 32 hours built up (not 320). anyway, when i asked what i was supposed to work on in their absence, my boss said "well...hhmmmm...actually ethan, i don't know. see you monday!"

-sam adam's summer ale is back in season. and pete's (makers of wicked ale) has a new "rally cap ale" for the summer. both are slightly lemony and great for bbq's.

-this is our first non-florida summer since 2000, so we basically forgot what a nice summer is like. for example, first thing i do when i get in my car is roll down my windows. having to deal with literally hot wind and not touching the steering wheel with my hands for fear of immediate blistering for the past 3 years, i can't tell you how gratifying the windows open thing is.

-so the price of gas is high. way higher than i've ever seen it in my almost 10 years of driving. but really, im amazed it's ever less than $2 a gallon. i mean, people still pay for it, and the process of getting, refining, shipping, etc of the oil from the middle east must be pretty damn expensive. i just wish we would use this opportunity to realize gas is dumb and make every car electric, or at least a hybrid. even better, someone give john galt a ring, and tell i'll trade some gold for a car with his engine in it.

-im a huge fan of these "it's pasta anytime" things by kraft. you get a lot of food for $2.99, and you don't need a refrigerator (just a microwave). they even taste pretty good. perfect for 15 minute work lunches.

-anyone see that kings-wolves game 7 the other nite? notice how doug christie took not 2 or 3 but 4 (stutter) steps before that three pointer with like 10 seconds left? i guess the refs didn't want to upset his wife by correctly calling a travel.

it's been a strange week at work so far. i haven't read one page of "positively fifth street." i've actually had some work to do. yesterday, one of our secretaries came into my office, gave me a cadbury creme egg, and said "and you thought i was a bitch." and the real kicker: i haven't had a sip of coffee.

the coffee thing started when my stomach was writhing on monday morning so i figured i'd better pass on the java. but it got me thinking about how i've brought 20 ounces of coffee with me to work every day since i started back in september. i do like it (a lot) but i think it just started to be a habit (who says caffeine is addicting?). lately i haven't even been finishing it, and more and more has been poured down the drain. plus i've heard lizzo and the lemmer give up caffeine before, so it must be a good idea. so im taking a coffee break (groan) and going back to what i had for 3 years of teaching. water, water, and more water. im like a frickin camel.

also, im listening to the o.c. mix 1 cd rite now. i love it. but beware people (read: amy), that california song in it's entirety is track 12. other than that, it's great (it's got jem, spoon, and the dandy warhols on it). but i do have quite a hankering for the songs they put on the show, so stay away if that's not yur cup of tea (or coffee).

i have a big headache. at least i can sleep in tomorrow.

-i have less friendster friends than mair's guinea pig, alfalfa. by no means am i complaining, i just find it amusing. falfa for mayor!

-i think chocolate covered pretzels are gross. oddly, i really like following up a few pretzels with anything chocolately. eat a few pretzels, have a bite of german chocolate brownie. rinse and repeat.

-we saw calendar girls the other nite. i liked it more than i thought i would. if you liked waking ned devine, you'll probably find this amusing too. also, starship troopers is a movie i like waaay more than i should. and i can't even really say why.

-my favorite new band is los lonely boys. im gonna review them in next month's o.b. (assuming i ever get this month's out). consider this some inside scoop. you're lucky to be privy to such information. really.

-i think having two acres of property is rather ideal. you have plenty of room to build a batting cage and terrain park, and still have space for a garden and some woods. and your neighbors would be a good distance off too.

zoomer got sent back to the cubs has been assigned to AAA in iowa. even though he wasn't getting to pitch too much and was doing too well when he was (mostly cuz of all the walks), z got to spend over a month in the show. that's more than just a cup o' coffee. and in a little more than a month, made $60 k. not bad. i bet he's lost some confidence, let's hope he can bounce back. i'd say he'll probably shuffle from AAA to the bigs a few times in the next few years. and when his pitching career is over, he'll now pretty much be able to land any coaching job he wants. not bad at all.

not 10 minutes after finishing cannery row, i did a crossword which had as a clue "cannery row character." what are the odds. bonus points if you can guess which 4-letter character name fit the bill.

as for the book itself, i enjoyed it quite a bit. steinbeck is one of my favorites, though i've never read of mice and men or the grapes of wrath. as a rule i try to stay away from highly proclaimed classics, though im not sure why. i've been reading stuff of varying genres of late, and i forgot how awesome his sense of description is. if you've read cannery row and liked it, try the wayward bus.

upon hearing about some recent studies regarding the effects of high pitch counts on injury and career longevity, braves pitching "guru" leo mazzone said:

"I don't want to see them," says the most successful pitching coach of his generation. "My eyes are gonna tell me more than any (expletive) number."

hahahahahahahaha. what a (expletive) moron. i think he has finally rocked himself into a state of insanity.

i guess we now know why smoltz blew out his elbow, maddux can't ever pitch into the 6th inning anymore, and steve avery throws 82 mph. if i were horacio ramirez i would be running away from this guy as fast as i could.

this weekend went way too fast, and i can tell already that i am not going to handle this whole no-2-month-summer-vacation thing very well. this is the time of year when for the past three years i was giving final exam reviews, teetering on the brink of insanity at questions from algebra II students like "mr. goetz, how do you graph a line again?", and telling the misfits that they didn't need to come to final because they need a 278 on it to pass for the semester, and well, that's out of the realm of possibility. oddly, through all the bitching i do (or did) about teaching, i miss it.

anyway, the weekend. filled with crossword puzzles, baseball, soccer, one-on-one texas hold em, a fancy dinner, and (stop reading here roy) van helsing.

heh. van helsing. we don't ever even really like movies like this (read: league of extraordinary gentlemen - oh the horror of that one), but we see em anyway. by now we know to go in expected nothing, and sometimes yur pleasantly surprised. as was the case here, but for all the wrong reasons. im sure the diehard comic book fans were silently cursing me for the tears rolling down my face, but the unintentional comedy here was unbelievably high. there were a few cool scenes and they added a few good one liners, but the slaves of dracula (nothing more than charred, evil oompa-loompas with 1940's diving helmets on) had me doubled over. they got lit on fire and danced around waving their arms. they had crazy little teeth that would be excellent for chomping on pretzels. they moved around the castle on hand bicycles hanging on suspension cables (the kind used on american gladiator during "the eliminator" event). then there was frankenstein and his green brain. and little vampire babies that exploded into green jello. and kate beckinsale's russian (?) accent. and her blouse with this red pattern that made it look like she was bleeding out of her nipples (that or lactating strawberry yoohoo). and the sidekick friar named carl (every time van helsing called to him, i thought "hey carl! good to see you!"). i was clearly entertained, but i'd advise all you film lovers to avoid this one.

the streak of going to work on consecutive days has to end at five.

-i've read, even in ny papers, that mike mussina is pretty much a grump and not much fun to be around. but he did provide this quote in the daily news regarding the crappy spiderman-on-the-bases idea: "Where do we go from here? Chico's Bail Bonds on us?"

-i know this will be sacrilege to some readers, but i like keller williams better than moe..

-saw the last epidsode of friends last nite. but i was much much sadder on wednesday nite when the o.c. had it's season finale. it was the last episode til (ugh) the fall. i have an unhealthy addiction to that show, but honestly, i can't be the only one that would be happy if marissa left the show. she brings nothing to the table. they can find a cooler girl for ryan (when he finds out the baby is really eddie's).

-terrence long is just a crappy version of jacque jones.

-best bargain in town: splitting an entree at olive garden and gorging on salad and breadsticks. sure it's cheap, but jeez louise, that salad is just unreal. i swear they must put some addictive narcotic in the dressing.

i just spent a while re-learning how to use the definition of limits to prove that they exist. tomorrow i'll hit up derivative by definition. ya know, just in case i wind up teaching at sinclair community college sometime. can't wait til i get to related rates. principles of calculus kick ass. and yes, my nerdometer is teetering on ludicrous level.

happy cinco de mayo. to celebrate here are not one but two possible scenarios that ahren, ilya, and/or jaw were likely involved in last weekend.

i know that most of you despise michael moore (albeit for far different reasons than michael "keep the tax breaks coming" eisner). but regardless, what with disney trying to stop the (inevitable) release of his new movie and the mormons taking away the right to think out loud on some street in salt lake city, in the past two days there have been some disturbing events regarding censorship/freedom of speech.

i won't bother ranting about these things, but i'll just point out two things. first, there's no way disney is going to stop the release of this movie. delay it's unveiling, maybe. but really they're just giving more and more free press to something they don't want the public to know about. seems like a dumb idea for them, but whatever. second, in utah, aren't the ties from the gov't to the church just a bit astounding? since when can a public street be purchased? can they make it a toll road now? and how exactly are they going to enforce this "you can't speak your mind unless we approve of what you're going to say" law? this is just straight up weird.

upon leaving florida, i made the decision to leave the teaching world, at least for a few years, and my biggest fear in doing so was that any "corporate" job would be 8 hours of mind-numbing boredom sitting in an office like dilbert. just call me the oracle.

i knew coming in that my current position (sadly) wasn't going to be a job that used my math skills all that much, but i was open to learning whatever it is they do here. i figured in the year and a half we were here i'd at least be able to learn some stuff i would've never otherwise learned, and gain some different and marketable skills.

unfortunately, all the learning stopped after about 2 months. since then, it's been half a year of stagnation. i despise that my near-constant inquiries for new tasks are met with "make this power point presentation," "can you make some graphs on excel?" or the most recent "just do some literature searches." i swear a 12 year old could do this job. it's funny that it requires a master's degree.

i have been strictly adhering to my LIFO attendance policy (really, why could any one here possibly need to stay more than 8 hours) and am pretty close to flat out asking if i can work from home at least 1/2 time. i hope this is just a lull. i could swear that a while back i actually did some work. regardless, i have come to a breaking point here. at least this gives me one thing to do at work everyday: look for a new job.

we may have finally made friends! but don't let me get ahead of myself...

on friday at work, i randomly uttered the phrase "i feel like getting drunk tonite." i hadn't gotten sauced in a while and, well, im a man of my word. oh, not that there's an exciting story to go along with this. nope. just me and nina watching two movies on the couch while i put back quite a few half and halfs. all i know is i didn't stop til there were no more harps left. i had fun. and somewhere in there nina decided her new favorite drink is an apple-tini. but i think all the trips to the water closet might have made the viewing of wonderwall (about the john homes (80's pornstar) murders) a bit segmented...

somehow i didn't really have a hangover on saturday (i reckon that's thanks to the 6am feeding of advil) and we had a great day. went to the gym, bought some clothes at the mall, ate chili cheese dogs, etc. when we got home we had a message on our machine and were (gasp) invited to go to a movie with a bunch of people we have hung out with at parties once or twice. of course, it was to see kill bill, which we'd already seen. shit.

but, oh yeah, we went anyway. even pretended we hadn't seen it yet (it was actually better the second time cuz you can focus on things other than the plot - e.g. the soundtrack is unreal). afterwards we go to our new friend kyle's house (who kristina met thru her linear algebra class - yet another perk of column spaces, lg) where we were wowed by his extensive and expensive collection of, as our mover in florida called it, "lick-ra." after downing some irish carbombs, we hit the irish pub because as the bachelors in the group say, they're with married people and can't take us anyplace "wild." we finally convinced them we're not 45 yrs old and since the boys weren't pleased with the pickings in this rather older crowd anyway, we tried to find this new "club" in dayton. there we are, 6 of us, deciding to take only 1 car to this place cuz we don't really know where it is. so we pile into nina's car. with one guy in the trunk. yup, ya never can get too old to trunk it. so this guy chris (amazingly similar to tom borrego) is packed in the trunk with our horrendously stinky soccer gear and some books on nuclear spectroscopy. and he's got the directions.

so chris is yelling for us to go to 3rd and wonton (a street which doesn't exist), trying to juggle a soccer ball and reading up on his nuke physics. good times. we finally stumble upon "the foundry, dayton's hottest new club." i gotta say, it was pretty cool. and not just cuz we haven't seen a dance club since the harp in boston in june '03. they had a lot of bars (so no wait for drinks), cheap cover ($3), pretty good music, and a ton of dance floor (it's just a huge gutted out warehouse). plus we had a few good laughs at all the guys in uber-tight shirts. but i guess the ohioans gotta live the mtv style somewhere. we also all chipped in some money to have kyle ride this spinning dentist's chair and have jagermeister poured down his throught while rotating. i swear the guy working it poured someone's leftover drink down his throat, but i guess that's what 5 bones gets you at the foundry. on a side note, the girl after kyle lasted about 3/4 of a spin before jumping out of the chair and almost yacking all over. if she made it to 300 degrees, we woulda definitely seen some projectile vomit. shucks.

we leave at closing (2am here in fairy-ville) and make a stop at t-bell after unsuccessfully getting to waffle house. kyle keeps getting calls on his cell and slamming his tacos around going "i can't sleep with her, she just lies there like a dead fish!" oh so funny.

we get home at 3:30am, an hour we haven't seen in ages (maybe that's what they meant by "the married people"). we're both supposed to have games in the morning, but they wind up getting rained out. all in all, a great nite and finally, it seems, some cool folks. stay tuned...

i'll take leadoff hitters for $200, alec.
answer: alex sanchez.
question: who is, uh, the worst?

look at his game log here. he drew his first walk of the year yesterday, and until then had a worse OBP than batting average. that is just ridiculous.