strong as a can

reason #437 why national (or american) league only fantasy leagues are dumb: when you lose a guy in a trade to the other league, you don't get any damn compensation. so it's pretty much like trading dotel for jose lima, or whoever is the "best" available free agent. but wait, there are no good available free agents in an NL (or AL) only league (reason #438).

send in more (new) mexicans!

that's rite. after months and months and months of delay, nina was notified today of her next assignment: albuquerque, new mexico! she even got what seems like a cool science job. so next march, we'll be road tripping to the southwest for a 3 year stay! ahren, can you please start training the scorpions?

im gonna go eat some goldfish pretzels to celebrate.

with all our traveling lately, i found the perfect place to test if someone is a total asshole or not: the airport.

i think i have narrowed it down to the 3 worst offenses when it comes to airport dickheaded-ness. here they are:

3. not being ready when it's your turn to go thru the security check. "oh, you mean i have to take off my stilleto heels and my belt made of silver links?" yes. you do. that's why the security lady just asked you to 3 times. on a side, could you imagine travelling in stilletos? hey, you may have to walk 4 miles thru o'hare but at least you're trendy!

2. taking up seats unnecessarily at the gate. this includes putting your carry-ons on a seat (good thing that rolly bag is comfortable) or splitting up chunks of available seats so you don't have to sit on the end.

1. and the all time worst: pre-boarding when you don't qualify, or boarding when they haven't called your row yet. hey asshole! if you're not old, travelling with small children, or in first class, wait your fucking turn! you can never convince me that some 30 year old guy needs "special assistance." oh how i wish the airline workers checking boarding passes would make these selfish fuckers get on last. "im sorry sir, we haven't begun boarding row 3 yet, we're on rows 25 and higher. therefore, you can't watch the in-flight movie, and you have to help the stewardess serve drinks. oh and we've switched you to a middle seat in between a screaming toddler and a 400 pound sweaty drunk guy who forgot his deodorant. enjoy!"

so it's not friday. but i skipped out on last week's ramblings, and i won't be here this friday either. so here:

-yesterday i had a rather jumbled lunch: a bowl of chicken noodle soup, some tostitos and salsa, and two bites of vanilla ice cream for dessert. wash that down with some oj. we may or may not need to go grocery shopping.

-remember in independence day, when the weirdo stripper goes to the top of that building with a bunch of hippies to welcome the aliens to earth? that is how i picture ahren (minus the hippies, and maybe the hooker boots), standing in the mojave desert after reading this.

-im currently trying to grow a goatee. i'll give you a second to wipe up the pee dripping down your leg. {pause) with encouragement from ninja, i try to do something like this every summer. and every summer i feel like a cubs fan. "this could be the year!", i always tell myself, only to fail miserably since my quasi-porn star mustache can't connect with the stubbliness on my chinny chin chin. what's different about this summer is: (1) i don't have a 2 month vacation, so i strut around work with dirt on my face, and (2) we're going to a wedding this weekend, and nina is pulling for me to not shave for it. wow, this must really be the year!

-this whole mcgrady-francis trade is bothering me. i can't really say why. part of it is that i find it ridiculous that players can demand trades. what do they have as a bargaining chip? they've willingly signed a contract to play for x dollars over n years for team y. what can they possibly do if their "demand" isn't met? if they quit and forfeited their contract, would they have to pay back the team for the potentially lost revenues?

-from cnn:

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- The U.S. Air Force bowed to Congressional pressure on Monday and said it would reexamine a costly program under which both Boeing Co. and Lockheed Martin Corp. launch government satellites."

it's sad that this makes news. it makes it seem like it's a rare thing when our gov't does a cost-benefit analysis. shouldn't EVERY FUCKING COSTLY PROGRAM be reexamined?

a few baesball musings:

scott rolen is on pace for 164 rbi's. wow. unfortunately for scotty, i don't think he'll keep pace. the 1-2 guys in the cardinal order are pint-sized tony womack (yet can't draw a walk) and aging ray lankford, whose OBP are .340 and .363 respectively. womack's OBP is atrocious for a leadoff hitter, and lankford is sure to hit the DL at some point. what's even more amazing about rolen's production is that pujols hits 3rd and this guy doesn't leave many runners on base...

i watched eric gagne shut down the yanks in the 9th last nite for his 81st consecutive save. this streak is getting laughable. two fucking years without blowing a save (the all-star game doesn't count)? amazing. i hadn't had a chance to watch him pitch "live" (on tv) this year and i was not disappointed. his stuff is disgusting. he throws his changeup anywhere from 84-90 (not a misprint) and his fastball 96 and up. so if you've just faced jose lima all nite with his 89 mph fastball, what are you gonna do against a guy whose changeup is that fast? your best shot is to guess changeup every pitch, because he rarely goes an at bat without throwing it. i think that's what giambi was doing on the home run. of course, the guy with the pubes on his chin can then just throw you that leg-buckling deuce like he did to bernie to end friday's game...

so zoomer's back in AAA. you gotta think it's a let down, and that it'd be easy to get down on yourself. but in 15 innings thru saturday for the iowa cubs, he'd given up just 1 earned run (0.60 era) and had worked his way into claiming the closer's job (5 saves already). regardless, i don't see him getting called up unless there's a rash of injuries on the big club. i bet he's praying for a trade. he could probably help the pirates...

now i know why lg loves jamaica.

our trip was just awesome. after a rocky start (flight delays, bumped flights, running thru the charlotte airport, only piece of checked luggage not arriving, lucky the bathing suits were in the carry on), we had 4 days of carribean bliss:

snorkeling, beach volleyball, jerk chicken, tropical cocktails (dirty banana and jamaican smiles being the best), water skiing, tubing down some river in the mountains, rope swings, jerk pork, redstripe, feeling like yur in a corona commercial, swim up bars, mongolian bbq, a booze cruise on a catamaran, buying necklaces from locals on surfboards who are smoking the fattest fatty's i've ever seen, champagne, ocean trampolines, the sketchiest water slide ever, ridiculous resort contests...

all the activities, the blazing sun, and the fact that you rarely drink anything non-alcoholic make you absolutely zonked by dinner. our bed times ranged from 8:15pm to 11pm. but if we were going to skip one thing on this trip, i'm glad it was watching tourists dance at the discoteca (didn't open til 11pm!).

seriously, you people need to get your asses down to montego bay. stat.

why it is not surprising that the majority of my 10th-12th grade students couldn't multiply 6 x 9 in their heads:

"The content measured on the tests is taught, on average, at the 8th grade level internationally," the report noted. "The material on the exams states are using as a requirement for high school graduation is considered middle school content in most other countries." -cnn article on graduation tests

i was so glad to see the "me-first!" lakers get hammered last nite. if it wasn't for that brain fart by coach brown the other nite, the pistons would be on the verge of a sweep. the current lakers team is simply perfect for hollywood - a bunch of players who don't care about team goals (remember when kobe refused to shoot in that game near the end of the regular season to "prove a point"?) and who constantly gripe about anything and everything (gary payton's crying:scoring ratio must be nearing infinite at this point). maybe they can sign ricky davis (the nba equivalent of raul mondesi) in the offseason. he'd probably improve team chemistry.

to top it off, last nite karl malone was getting hassled by some fans during warm ups. so he went over to the crowd and poked the guy in the face! one of the 18 assistant coaches had to restrain him. and they only showed it on sportscenter for like 2 seconds. if that had been artest or rasheed they would've been fined up the ass or suspended, and it would've been a 10 minute segment on how they're crazy and unstable. yup, the mailman looks like he was really focused on winning his first championship.

on a side, do you think it was even possible that stockton and malone were actually friends?

we're going to jamaica in less than 24 hours! so it must be a friday...

-yesterday nina and i became an aunt/uncle pair for the third time! my brother's wife gave birth to a bobbin baby boy, dylan. after two little nieces, finally a nephew. 5 years til t-ball starts!

-little debbie nutty bars have 31% (20g) of your total fat. i swear those things can't even weigh 20g. oh yeah, and 330 calories. yowser. all that almost makes me wanna stop eating them. almost.

-why is it that banana bread turns out better when baked with near-rotting bananas?

-i just saw an add on cnn for the south beach diet. the catchphrase was "look like you diet, eat like you don't." if this doesn't typify the prevalent philosophy of our culture (i.e. "get something without earning it"), i don't know what does.

-i wasn't very impressed with the mtv movie awards last nite, although that little creature under the podium had its merits. could they have found a more "blah" host than lindsay lohan? granted i only saw the first hour, but cmon, BBTN came on at 10.

for those who missed PTI yesterday, one of the topics addressed was the WSoP bumping both their show the previous afternoon and the morning sportscenter i mentioned below. tony said "who do you have to sleep with to get on espn? doyal brunson?" apparently, the hosts of cold pizza had no problem bedding down with the old texan.

the owner of the lightning also owns the pistons. has any owner ever won two world championships in the same two-week span?

this morning when i got home from the gym, i poured myself a bowl of the cereal formerly known as super crisp and plopped on the couch to catch a little sportscenter. but on espn was the 2003 world series of poker. so i figure the deuce must be hiding what i crave. no dice, fucking cold pizza. the worst morning show ever.

here's a little morning programming tip for all those espn bigwigs who check out my blog:

6am-9am espn, everyday - sportscenter. no if's, and's, or but's about it.
6am-9am espn2, everyday from april-october - baseball tonite. im sure this will disappoint all of those fishing fanatics who would be missing out on the deion sander's outdoors show, but you can catch those in the non-baseball months.

the first sportscenter today wasn't airing until like 11am or something ungodly like that. i understand that they're showing last year's WSoP (even though i saw the same hands played last nite as i was forced to endure this a.m.) cuz the 2004 one is soon to be aired. but you couldn't bump cold pizza??? i don't follow hockey, but something tells me a 2-1 game 7 in the stanley cup deserves it's 25 minute segment the morning after. instead cold pizza was discussing some nba playoff series from the 1970's. good job guys. the people in tampa are probably poking their eyes out now, desperately trying to savor their win and not catching any highlights.

yesterday in the national spelling bee, some kid tripped on his way to the podium. don't bother saying im mean. you know it was funny. anytime someone does something so completely cliche (i.e. nerdy kid acting like a clutz), you have to laugh.

and today, president bush gave the pope a medal. i don't know exactly why i find this hilarious, but i do.

a harry potter movie comes out tonite, so it must be a friday.

-i usually don't eat much breakfast. 1/2 a power bar before i go to the gym, and maybe a popem here and there first thing at work. but the morning hunger that escaped my body for the last 4 years has returned. and with it, one fine cereal has been added to our kitchen: "can't get enough super golden crisp, it's got the crunch with punch. yeah."

-at some point, don't the iraqi civilians have to start getting upset at the militant clerics for all the car bombs going off?

-i haven't touched my guitars in over 3 months. i don't have an excuse, i don't have an explanation.

-when i first started working at my current job, i got to order a new chair for my office. that was, say, 9 months ago. for no good reason, i have kept the enormous cardboard box since then. i even brought it with me when i changed offices. one day a co-worker came in and told me enough was enough, that they were throwing out the box. i looked him square in the eye and uttered, "if you touch that box, i'm handing in my resignation." no one gives me shit about the box anymore.

-the nba finals AND the nhl finals will be on this weekend. other than those black eyed peas "let's get it started" commercials on espn, could these two series be any less hyped? are they even going to be nationally televised?

yesterday i mailed off my 22nd monthly car payment. out of 60. damn.

i love how they remind you how many payments you have left on the little mail-in coupon/receipt. "yes, fine sir, you have successfully paid almost 2 years worth of payments. but you have 38 left! ha ha ha. love, citrus bank payment services."

it's a good thing im numb to these installments. otherwise i'd be really bothered that im going to have paid over $25k for a honda mini-suv by the time the loan is done in late 2007. after that, i don't plan on buying another car until the wheels fall of on this one. and don't think im exaggerating. this can be done. one time in high school, my buddy was driving his shitbox around a curve when a wheel did in fact fall off. on three wheels, he skidded into some nearby woods, unharmed. so when my wheels do fall off, i hopefully will (a) not careen into oncoming traffic, and (b) be able to pay cash for my replacement vehicle (which by then better damn well not be running on gas).

life without car payments is something i have fantastic day dreams about sometimes. i think about how the part of my paychecks that i currently have to set aside for car payments should then be just given to me in cash. like a bi-weekly bonus. so i can bathe in it, like roy from kingpin (minus the need for icebags). i wanna feel those greenbacks pouring, cascading over me. i suppose the actual amount i'll be saving won't allow me for much more than a rinse, but cmon man, im enjoying this. and i don't want any of those bills to be old, wrinkly ones, ones that have tape on them, or those that have some sharpied message on them saying this is tom smith's dollar and he's labeling it to see if he ever gets in back again. i mean, who would want to rub those on their body? no, i want fresh, new c-notes, hot off the presses from greenspan himself. yeah, that's the ticket.

paying off that loan means i can net rougly 15% less than my current job and still have the same disposable income (meaning teaching again becomes more financially acceptable). or keep the same pay level job and just have that much more buying power. and that, like the powdered sugar, is delicious.

what a fun weekend. friday we ate more ribs than you could shake a stick at. saturday i had two baseball games and then we saw "fog of war," an excellent documentary about robert mcnamara, the secretary of defense under JFK & LBJ. sunday, i had one more baseball game and then the rain came. so we saw "the day after tomorrow," (ok) then "super size me" (fantastic - thanks for the heads up wendy). then the rain was letting up and there was a festival type thing in downtown dayton. wonderful for people watching and eating fried dough (though i couldn't bring myself to eat any after seeing a documentary about fatness).

yesterday we bbq-ed, then went to a local park to enjoy the day. around 5pm we get a call from kate z, who was 2 hours from our house! so she and her boyfriend mark came, hung out, and spent the nite. we took em to thai 9, the famous restaurant where the lemmer started sweating out of his eyelids after ordering some seafood plate with a spicy factor of 8 (out of 9). kate and mark are huge into rock climbing so it was fascinating to hear their stories and plans for the rest of their 6 week road trip, and then their upcoming 3 month excursion to australia. mark told me that if i like the book touching the void (which i did and am sure i blogged about sometime back in the fall), i should check out joe simpson's other climbing books. he also said that a team finally climbed the peak that simpson completed with his horrible injury, and they named their route "avoiding the touch."

it was a wonderful nite of conversation. i was reminded once again (as i am everytime we see one of them), how unbelievably comfortable it is to be around our college friends (or the remaining 1 or 2 high school friends we stay in touch with), how they feel like family. it's just pure fun to be around them, to laugh with them, to talk about what's on the horizon with them. there's no forced conversation, no awkward silences. it never fails - like i just saw them yesterday, even if it's been months or years. we have met very few (if any) people since leaving mit that have provided the same sense of friendship and closeness, which is why i cherish and value these relationships so much. i hope one of em friggin gets hitched soon so we have an excuse to all get together again.

and we even have extra hot dogs to make sometime this week. score.