strong as a can

nina and i don't see a lot of live music. it's something we'd like to do more, though, and on friday we got a chance. our friend gregg, a guy who sees at lot of local gigs, got married AND promoted in the last week. so he invited a bunch of people out for drinks (on him) and a little blues. the guy playing, eric jerardi (audio clips here) was pretty much unbelievable (then again i can't name 4 beatles songs so what do i know). he played anything from stevie ray vaughn to jimmie hendrix, and his drummer looked like randy johnson. plus he owns a local deli and makes a mean reuben too (learned that in a hazy conversation with a towny).

so we're sitting there, tipping back a few tasty beverages, when i realized something: i never know what to do with myself when listening to live music. i'm not really the type of guy to clap or do some akward head bob (i have a long neck. trust me, it's weird). so generally what i do is drink. really fast.

the problem with this is that it means i have to make at least 4 trips to the bathroom every 35 minutes (and that i start to do that head bob. damnit). i'd never been to this place before, and the first time i went to the bathroom i smashed some dude up against the wall by opening the door (not my fault - who fucking waits to piss by standing behind the door?). on my next 9 trips this led me to open the door just a crack at first, and then very slowly. i wound up looking like a peeping tom. in the men's bathroom. so that was weird.

anyway, we had a good time, but didn't stay too long because (a) i wanted to go snowboarding in the morning, and (b) after seeing that harold and kumar flik on thursday we were seriously craving some white castle. sadly i couldn't even make it home without peeing again, so while we waited in the drive thru i relieved myself behind the WC dumpster. i started by just drawing a smiley face in the snow, but by the time i was thru i had drawn an entire pee band behind the trash. it was truly a masterpiece. the lead guy even had one of those cool double guitars, ya know, like lita ford used to play. and the drummer only had one arm, not because he lost the other one in a car wreck, but because i ran out of pee. i don't have one (yet), but now i know why the camera phone was invented.

so live music makes for a good time, as do beer and small square cheeseburgers. i hope we start seeing some more live shows (keller williams plays in cincinnati in 3 weeks), but, honestly, can some of you live music junkies tell me what the appropriate body activity is? if not i'm going to default to stomping my feet like a sumo wrestler. and peeing. lots of peeing.

a while back i said that appointing margaret spellings, a career politician, to head the department of education was a terrible idea. and boy it didn't take long for her to prove my point.

yesterday spellings condemned a cartoon show for having gay characters. don't worry about improving math or reading skills, that'll take care of itself. clearly it's more important for the head of our country's education department to be imposing her morals on PBS show selection. replace "gay" with "black" and we'd be right back in the 1950's.

a pretty awesome start to bush's second term, no? he's been in office for less than 2 weeks and there's already been evidence of two bribes stemming from the white house and the education department declaring gays hinder learning. can someone get tek to send a batch of warm eclairs to the oval office?

imagine that, for the last year, you fucked up every project assigned to you at work. and missed every deadline. you unsuccessfully tried to seduce the boss's daughter at the x-mas party. right in front of your boss. you sent bad jokes AND those weird inspirational emails to the entire division via email twice a day. you showed up late to meetings, smell bad, and generally suck ass. half way through the year you were demoted and your new office was in the basement with milton. on top of that, you completely fucked up my fantasy accounting team (but i still trounced peyton). then, at your year review, you asked the company to quadruple your salary.

because that, in a nutshell, is tim redding. he's asking for $1.4 mil in arbitration, up from $395k, after posting a 5.72 era, 1.67 whip, .307 baa, ~1.3 k-bb ratio and getting knocked out of the rotation.

honestly, where does he get the balls to ask for that? shouldn't he be pulling a turk wendell here and playing for 1 cent this year?

riddle me this: i just ate a yogurt that was "99% fat free", yet on the label said it containted 3% of my RDA of fat and 5% of saturated fat. wha???

i heard on the radio this morning that the actresses from desperate housewives are complaining that the only make between $50-75k per episode even though they are the number 1 show. one of the bitches complained that while the friends stars were made $1 mil/episode and got new cars, she is the "poorest actress in hollywood" and got flowers ("not a porshe").

never mind the fact that the cast of friends only got that kind of money after like 7 years of being number 1 (while DH is in season 1) or that (more importantly) she/they signed a fucking contract agreeing to that "poor" salary. i hope she sticks to her guns and goes on strike. because abc will clearly have a difficult time finding another attractive actress willing to portray a slutty broad on tv.

in other news i've added "reading" and "listening" things over to the left. yes, this is completely unoriginal but if it sparks up even one "if you like ___, you should check out ___" conversation then it's served it's purpose. i did just finish "a plot against america", which was definitely interesting (historical fiction about what would have happened if nazi-sympathizer charles lindbergh beat out FDR in the 1940 election) but it's a best seller so you don't really need little old me to give a review. at the back of the book, there's a section about the people in the story (lots of real names used), describing what they actually did, etc. i was surprised (and naive too, i guess) to learn that lindbergh and (especially) henry ford were huge anti-semites and rather large supporters of hitler. it's funny to me that in our history textbooks someone like andrew carnegie is labeled a "corporate robber baron" but those ignorant pricks are made out to be national heroes.

in conclusion, two songs i don't hear nearly enough anymore: "cult of personality" by living colour and "unsung" by helmet.

if you're a braves fan, you have to be worried about the situation in their outfield. raul mondesi and brian jordan in the corners? yuck. i don't think either will make more than 80 starts. they didn't pay them much, so i guess it's worth the risk. but aren't there better options? they could just sack up and sign magglio, or make a run at burnitz. or they could try to swing a trade for someone like eric byrnes, who oakland seems willing to deal. i just think if you want to experiment go with either mondesi OR jordan. but both seems like a big (and bad) gamble.

over in the nfl, the two conference championships that were billed as (potentially) the "best ever" turned out to have a cumulative excitement level of about 1.2, since that's about how many minutes the falcons (when they pulled it to 14-10) and the steelers (1st and goal, 31-17 score) were in each of those games.

i get the feeling that michael vick is never going to amount to much as an nfl passer. sure he's exciting, but well coached defenses make him look simply terrible. he'll sell a lot of jerseys and make a lot of highlight reels, but i don't ever see this guy coming even close to the level of randall cunningham.

as for the super bowl, i don't appreciate the 2 week break. why is this necessary? i think it just kills the momentum of the playoffs. i also don't like that the super bowl is on a sunday nite - why can't it be at like 4pm est? would people in california not watch if it started at 1pm their time? the late start is especially dumb when at least one of the teams is an east coast team (since a 6:30 "start" leads to an 11pm finish), meaning that many little kids don't even get to see the second half of their hometown team's super bowl.

and in case you weren't watching, there were a ton of upsets in college hoops this weekend (and an excruciating loss by the wildcats). does anyone know when the last time was that a #2 ranked team lost by more than 20 to an unranked one? "big ups to ya", villanova, and to the rest of the big east as well for bringing the glory back to my favorite conference (4 top 20 teams, soon to be more).

we saw "in good company" the other nite, with topher grace and scarlett johansen. i was looking forward to this little number, and i had moderate expectations. it even got decent ratings, whatever that means. but man, that movie was terrible. it wasn't funny enough to be a comedy, emotional enough to be a drama, or lovey-dovey enough to be a romance. and dennis quaid is just an awful actor. am i the only one that thinks randy quaid is the far superior actor in that family? probably the most disappointing part was that johansen was just "eh", but this may not have been her fault - her character is barely developed. the only plus was that topher played his role well. his character had a little eric foreman in him, but i still thought he did a good job.

at least there's a few other movies out that look appetizing, like the aviator and lemony snickets. maybe not as appetizing as the new Black Pepper Jack Doritos (fuck, those things are unreal) but i've heard good things about them. and lord knows i'm definitely seeing coach carter. plus we've got this little gem on the counter from netflix.

my, um, friend forgot his lunch today. so instead of going home to get it or eating out, my friend went to the vending machine. he came back to his office with famous amos cookies, hostess ding dongs (which together make up 83% of his daily saturated fat intake), and a side salad of sun chips.

now i, i mean my friend (definitely not me), is sitting in his office awaiting the type of belly ache you can only get by eating too many hot pretzels at yankee stadium.

so last nite kicked off another season of american idol. nina and i have seen all or most of the first 3 seasons, but we always forget how awesome the audition episodes are. for the most part you can tell who is going to be good, who is going to be bad, and who is going to be insane from the moment they are introduced. i can take or leave the good ones at this point in the show. the bad are fucking hilarious (although nina usually has her face covered with a pillow out of embarrassment for these dipshits). but really, it's the absolutely crazy ones that make the auditions worth watching.

i guess i find it amusing that people can be so ridiculously delusional. it's one thing to suck - some people are good at singing, some aren't, no big deal. but it's entirely another to be so god-awful at something and actually think you're good at it. let's take a look at some of my favorites from last nite:

-large jersey girl with the cheesiest, most horrible tatterred black moo-moo and cheapo dangling jewelry who said "it may look like you need a lot of money to dress like this, but really you don't!" she also had these enormous scratches on her arms that she said came from getting dressed in the dark (what, did a bear cub help her get that top on?), and after getting cut said something about the judges having to cut some talented people and well, that was her.

-the "cousin" of toni braxton, who was definitely snorting ridalin before his audition and claimed in his post-rejection interview that he was would be 8-times platinum.

-the "god told me i'm supposed to win" girl. also, in mark mcgrath's comments of her performance, he said "um, you're hot."

-the girl who pawned her wedding rings instead of her cd collection or karaoke machine in order to make it to the audition. in her teary-eyed pre-audition interview, she said, straight-faced and in all seriousness: "if i can't express myself through music, i will probably die."

-the guy with the "5.9% alcohol" head band who said he "didn't even know he could sing" until a few weeks ago. in his defense, he was a recovering alcoholic, but the headband was classic nonetheless.

-the typical high school blonde girl who, after getting rejected, stormed back in with a profanity-laced tirade about how she was going to release a cd a be a star. t-minus 3 months before this one is a fluffer in the porn industry.

i think there's another episode on tonite, where simon will undoubtedly be cursed simply for telling the truth. in one of the upcoming episodes, gene simmons will be the guest judge so we've got that one going for us.

so 2004 was a breakout year for me in the book-reading sense. i read close to 25 books (most of 200 pages or less since i have the attention span of a baby orangutan), which is a lot given my previous yearly high of like 2 and 1/4. i credit nina for getting me on this reading kick, and my job for giving me an office where i can shut the door. anyway, here's a couple of i can recommend from the past year (obviously they weren't written in 2004):

fear and loathing in las vegas (hunter thompson)
if you have ever found anything on this site remotely amusing or cool, go read this. there's drugs, pie, and terradactyls. if that's not enough for you, then fuck off.

east of eden (john steinbeck)
steinbeck's modern day (at the time) version of cain and abel. per usual, great characters. thanks again to nuggets for the recommendation.

trinity (leon uris)
fictional story of the irish revolution. i think uris is famous or something. i see his name in crossword puzzles on occassion.

season of life (jeffrey marx)
real life tale of a former nfl star who practices a unique quasi-religious-based coaching style. definitely interesting.

wasp factory (iain banks)
i wouldn't say this is one of my favorites, but it's definitely different and crazier than most stuff i read. it's about this sadistic kid who does bad things, gets drunk with his only friend (a midget), and has an insane brother. i think this might be a famous book or something.

and a couple of baseball ones:

me and my dad (paul o'neill)
no pauly fan should miss this, nor anyone with a strong baseball connection with their pops (that makes me 2 for 2). makes a great father's day gift/b-day present.

the teammates (john haberstam)
the road trip of dom dimaggio and johnny pesky to see teddy ballgame one more time before he died. delves into the intensely close relationships of those 3 and bobby doerr. apparently comparable in ways to tuesdays with morrie, which is now on my queue.

i feel like yao ming has taken a step back this, his third, season. sure his scoring is up a bit from last year (18.8 ppg), but with all that you hear about him being a great passer for a big man you'd think he'd at least be able to average 1 assist per game (he's at .8). the most glaring fact, though, is that with 8.4 rpg he is being out rebounded by this guy, who plays 23 minutes a game and (much like me in high school) scores less than 6 ppg. fuck. how can you be 7'6" and the best player in a country of 1 billion people, and not average a double-double?

and just to keep you informed, my attempt to care about the nba isn't going very well. remember how i picked the jazz to be my surrogate favorite team? losing kirilenko was a disaster for them. think boozer regrets leaving cleveland now, where lebron is on his way to averaging 28-7-7 (has this kid improved his shooting (is this goal regulation size) or what??)?

so the jazz and the warriors blow. but i still check in on nba action every day or two, just so i can see things like bobby sura hanging a 35 spot on whoever the rockets played last nite. i liken this to one of those days when frank catalanotta gets 5 hits and drives in 4, and you just hafta love seeing the underappreciated little guys taking games over.

oh frankie c. how long til pitchers and catchers?

on the baseball front, i'm really hoping the mets sign delgado. has any team ever signed the 3 biggest free agents in one offseason? this is great, because if they get delgado that means they have exactly 1 "homegrown" starter (reyes) out of their 8 position guys, 5 starters, and closer. so i'll never ever have to hear another met fan accuse the yanks of buying all their players and wah wah wah.

normally pop-ups piss me off. but not orbitz. seriously, when they pop up that hockey game i'm ready to chest bump my monitor and high five the plant. the chinese football one takes a close second, though i haven't seen it in months. coming in at a distant third is that mini-golf game, if only because there's just 3 holes. anyway, i (half-ass and unsuccessfully) tried to find a way to link them, but i think they must pop up from espn or cnn. hot stuff.

so does anyone else find it completely ridiculous that (i'm) doug (and you're dad) mientkiewicz is trying to hawk the last-out-of-the-world-series ball to retire or pay for his kids college tuition?

let's go over all the things that are so wrong about this:
(1) last year alone you made $2.8 million dollars. if you don't yet have enough to retire rite this second, i guess we'll one day be seeing you on the surreal life (click here to join in the fun over on ace's site, selecting casts for that classic show).
(2) like i said, you made $2.8 million dollars last year. in one week (6 games) you made $103, 703.70. save for two weeks and you can send your kid to undergrad and med school. so shut the fuck up.
(3) why do you have that ball? you were a defensive replacement on the sox for 40% of the season. is this the guy who deserves to have the most precious object in red sox nation?
(4) hank aaron, arguably the best hitter of all time and a guy who played when players made peanuts, donated (from what i know) all of his memorabilia to the HOF. if hammering hank gave up his stuff, so should you.
(5) shouldn't you be spending less time haggling like a grandma and more time in the batting cage? because hitting .230 and then demanding to be a starter ain't gonna cut it.

in conclusion, it's really embarrassing to let one rip just as someone is entering your office. it's even worse when you ate at china buffet last nite.

although espn claims derek lowe is the new "ace" of the dodgers, it seems to me that la is now paying $9 mil/year to a guy who might not even deserve a spot in their rotation.

will lowe's numbers improve from 2004's 5.42 era and 1.61 whip? of course, due to the switch to the NL and taking the hill in spacious dodger stadium, it would be almost impossible to put up such awful numbers again.

but la's top 3 are clearly perez, penny, and weaver (probably in that order). filling out the rotation will be some combination of lowe, ishii, jackson, and alvarez. of those 4 guys, lowe is the only one whose K's/9, K/BB ratio, and opponent OPS have all gone the wrong way in the past 3 years. ishii's pretty bad too, given that he only struck out 1 more batter than he walked last year and has the worst bed-head this side of jack black (the ishii glazed look can't possibly improve with weaver around, either).

jackson's probably not ready yet, and though alvarez is probably the best of those 4 guys, he's old and chubby and most likely won't make more than 15-20 starts. so derek probably will find himself the 4th or 5th starter for most of the year, basically by the lesser of 4 evils principle. but calling this guy an ace? isn't that like casting james "i don't want yer life!" vanderbeek to be the next james bond? it's just not a role he can fill. also, #1's don't put up era's higher than 5 in their prime. ever.

i think what bothers me the most is that depodesta is supposed to be a numbers guy, not fooled by lowe's postseason success. who cares how he pitched in game 7 when you're trying to figure out what he'll do over his next 140 starts? at least pavano and jaret wright (whose signings were looked at as questionable) have numbers that indicate an upward trend. d-lo? not so much.

terrible contract. depo may have just paid $36 mill for a back of the rotation guy who might be throwing middle relief by next year. seriously, this move makes the renteria and cabrera signings look downright beane-esque.

in other news, with a hillenbrand trade in the works it looks like toronto has given up on the hinske project. the bj's have made a lot of nice little moves this winter (koskie, zaun, koch) but i can't believe they're paying $2.5 mil/year for scott schoenweiss to pitch to one batter a game. j.p. gets a free pass here though, because the poor guy has to keep up with the overpaying yanks, sox, and o's.

top 3 wedding officiants:

3. the reverend at my wedding. great speech. actually we didn't really pay attention (i'm fairly sure it including some tale of native americans), but he had a big, red nose (read: was a drunkard) and i needed a 3rd guy for this list. also when i walked down the aisle and whispered "let's race!", he let me win by 4 full paces.

2. the "mahwagge" guy. obviously.

1. mc hammer. honestly, can we get some pics of that wedding?

well, there's a lot of randy moss hoopla going on today, but i don't wanna give that douche one more second of my thoughts. although he did remind me a little of fletch in his dream sequence, and everybody likes a little fletch flashback. instead, i'd rather discuss the overlooked travesty in that pack-vikes game.

for the love of pete (maravich), was there even one 5 minute span while the vikes where on offense when we didn't hear, "illegal contact, #28 defense. five yard penalty, automatic first down."? i mean, jeez, the replays show that poor guy ending contact at like the 4-6 yard range. it's pathetic how completely arbitrary the nfl has become with it's pass defense calls. some of those replays looked to me like he was doing exactly what you are supposed to. i'm having a hard time grasping this kindler, gentler two-hand touch version of the nfl. next year they're planning on implementing the "7 mississippi" rule before the d-line can rush.

you know another thing i don't get in the nfl? if a defensive player even comes within a foot of an offensive player's head, the sidelines are fuming. but when a running back/receiver is running with the ball they are allowed to stiffarm defenders straight in the facemask? i've never understood why there is no offensive face mask call, because it clearly happens all the time.

i'll end this with two questions:
(1) what was the guy on the vikes possibly thinking when he tackled bubba gump franks like 10 seconds after the play was dead? franks was basically headed back to the huddle it was so late.
(2) how fast would barton have been released from the jets if they had lost? would this have been a mini-buckner type thing, especially in the scathing ny media?

the barber i go, mr. kim, to is amazing. sure, it's $11 for a 3 faded into a 5. but i don't care. mr. kim rules. i have never had a barber care so much about the quality of his service. his use with the buzzer is un-paralleled. he does everything short of using a ruler to make sure your sideburns are even and level. at the end he wipes all the tiny stray hairs off your face with a wet towel (even in your ears!) and that does the whole babypowder thing. after he's done with a haircut, i expect him to step outside and smoke a cigarrette with a $ sign on it (or whatever the chinese symbol for $ is).

[unfortunately, mr. kim doesn't speak engligh all that well. i went the morning of x-mas eve, and he asked me where i go to "crutch" and if i "know jebus". after 5 minutes of trying to explain that i don't go to crutch but that i was raised presbyterian, he finally exclaimed "oh, you christian!", patted me on the back, and went back to humming]

on the other hand, our mailman is perhaps the worst worker i've ever come across. it's a pretty straight forward job, you'd think. drop off the mail, pick up the mail. somehow our guy just can't handle that tricky second part. in fact i don't think he's ever, in 17 months, taken a piece of mail out of our box. and when we had that snow storm 2 weeks ago, we didn't get any mail for like 6 days. rain, sleet, or snow - i think not. i'd imagine that when he's "done" with his work at our place, he pulls out some used cigarrette butt, drops it in a puddle while trying to light it, splits his pants while bending down to pick it up, and hits his head on the mailbox while standing up.

in closing, i had 3 sloppy joe's for dinner the other nite. and i know you boys likes em sloppy.

i thought comeback player of the year was reserved for people like daryl strawberry or eric davis. you know, players who were once great, then faded for whatever reason, and now are playing well again.

evidently i was wrong, since today drew brees was named the nfl's comeback player of the year. look at his stats. he's 25 years old! he's been a starter for 3 years and until 2004 never been anything but average. wouldn't this be considered his breakout year?

but the comedy doesn't stop there, folks. a schooner IS a sailboat. taking third in the voting is none other than willis mcgahee, who never stepped on an nfl field until this year. fuckin a, matt leinart needed stitches in 4th grade, he'll be on the ballot next year. so drew and (whatchu talkin bout) willis amassed 24.5 of the 48 total votes, leaving less than half for players who are actually making an nfl comeback.

in other news, the white stripes were just given a lifetime achievement award, barely beating out yellowcard.

this randy johnson trade is starting to drag like a 7th heaven marathon. geez louise, git r done already! and since when does the commissioner have to ok trades? maybe this always has to happen, but the first time i heard of it was during the arod-sox deal last year when selig put an ultimatum on the time frame. i didn't understand it then, and i don't understand it now. before you know it the commish will be telling clubs how much they can charge for a beer.

boggs broke some voting record by receiving ~91% of the writers' votes for the HOF. my question is: who the fuck DIDN't vote for him?? shouldn't you automatically lose your voting rights if you don't vote for this guy? and how is 90% the all-time high? are you telling me babe ruth wasn't a unanimous selection on his first ballot? and who the fuck voted for terry steinbach? seriously. do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to jail (the one with squirrel master and nasty nate).

so you'd think teams would've learned something from the giambi and a-rod signings - like paying guys $20 mil/year in long term deals can backfire (injuries, monopolizing all your team's cash, etc). so this got me thinking about the upcoming beltran signing. it seems the max a player will get from now on is in the $16-17 mil/year frame, which is what boras is asking for.

but check this out. when arod signed his huuuge contract back in 2000, he was 25 years old and had put up the following numbers in his 5 seasons as a regular:
OPS-hr
1.045-36
.846-23
.920-42 (and a 40-40)
.943-43
1.026-41

here's beltran's numbers in 6 seasons as a regular, and keep in mind he's 27:
.791-22
.675-7
.876-24
.847-29
.911-26
.915-38 (a lot while in cozy enron, he won't match this in shea)

plus arod played ss, clearly the position with the least productive hitters (other than catchers, perhaps). i acknowledge that cf is a hefty defensive responsibility, but you'd never see someone with david eckstein's numbers starting in cf in the majors.

sure, i think beltran will be a phenomenal player for the next 6-7 years. but good enough to set the bar for future free agent signings? i'm not so sure. he'll probably put up an OPS between .875 and .940. but there are more guys that can do that than you'd think (but not cf's, i know. except lance berkman). plus, just two years ago he was producing like kevin mench (.845, .874 last 2 years). i think his postseason performance is clouding a lot of minds here, and that's not good for baseball's market. ideally, i think he should be getting somewhere in the $13-14 mil range, but things like the renteria signing really fucked it all up. remember, beltran probably won't be any better than bernie was in his prime (starting in '96 when he was 27, bernie put up these 7 years: .926, .952, .997, .971, .957, .917, .908 - god, what a run). and bernie makes roughly $12.5 mil/year.

and cheers to georgie for brining back tino so he can finish his career here. how great would it be if tino flat out took the job from giambi? what's the consensus on giambi this year? .270 avg, 28 hrs, .860 OPS? boy, i hope not...

inmate #1*: so what are you in for?
inmate #2^: i went on an all night bender and lopped the heads off some parking meters. what about you?
#1: i was hanging out on the beach on christmas and punched a judge.
#2: gotcha.

*sidney ponson
^cool hand luke

the nfl playoffs are awesome, but the other great thing about the close of the regular season is not having to hear joe theisman say "when eli sets his feet and squares his shoulders, he's as good as anyone."

yes, this is gonna be an eli post.

see, i've been bashing him all season but always admitted that sure, he'll probably be good some day. but i did a little homework and now i'm not so sure. first, he's 24 years old. nobody is mentioning this, but it's a big deal. by the time eli takes his lumps for a few years, he'll be in his late 20's. not good. by comparison, peyton's 28 and he's been in the league for 7 years.

now i'll give you some numbers of guys in there 1st year as a starter:
david carr, started 16 games as a rookie in 2002 at age 23 and put up a rating of 62.8 with 9-15 (td-int).
jay feely, started 5 games in 2002 at age 25 and put up 75.4, 6-5.
kerry collins, started 13 games as a rook in 1995 at age 22 and put up 62.0, 14-19.
josh mcnown, started 14 games this year at age 25 and put up 74.1, 11-10.

eli, started 7 games this year at age 24, put up 55.4, 6-9. with a pro bowl running back in his backfield (something none of the above guys had). none of those guys are what you would herald as "great" qb's, nor will they ever be, and they all performed better than eli on equally bad or worse teams (with feely as an exception).

peyton manning, started 16 games as a rook in 1998 at age 22 and put up 71.2, 26-28. the colts went 3-13 that year. in 1999, peyton put up 90.7, 26-15 and the colts went 13-3. in favre's 1st season as a starter in '92, he went 85.3, 18-12. when tom brady first started in '02, he was 24 years old, went 86.5, 18-12 and won a super bowl (and for those who don't think brady belongs in that company, he has the same career qb rating as favre at 87.4).

all i'm saying is that eli is no lock to be the next great anything. 2005 is a make or break year for him (since he's old for a rookie, he doesn't have the time to spend a few years learning). if he doesn't improve lavishly on that 55.4 next season (something in the 80's), i bet he'll never amount to more than a kerry collins. which is fine - collins is a solid nfl qb. but announcers don't cream their pants every time he drops back to throw either. i'm not saying brian bosworth, but i simply think we have a case of waaaaay too much hype.

to say it's been a while would be an understatement. a lot has happened since i last posted almost 2 weeks ago so i'm going to make a Best/Most list to review the last 288 hours.

Best Reason to Ditch Work: 15" of new snow and a terrain park
sure, our local place only has a 400 vertical feet (this is smaller than some driveways). but the 1st outing of the year in a foot and a half of powder? 4 hours in one of the best parks i've been to and having no wait? a great start to x-mas break.

Best Holiday Tradition: fondue and a jigsaw puzzle
nothing beats the fondue/puzzle combo on christmas eve (write that down). sure it's a tradition that has only existed for 3 years, but you've got to start somewhere. this year we didn't make it very far on the 750 piece circular puzzle because reruns of that 70's show were rather distracting and/or beer was involved. but man did i eat of lot of beef.
Runner Up: giving each other our presents anytime in december we damn well please. by christmas day we don't even have any stocking stuffers left. patience is a virtue my ass.

Best Presents: toys
among other things, nina got me an MP3 player & halo 2, and i got her a game boy. we might as well be 11 years old.

Best Meal: chicken on a can
most people dress up and eat ham on christmas day. we wear pajamas and barbeque. with a 2 foot snow drift in our back yard i shoveled a path around the grill and we got to work.
Runner Up: egg nog pancakes and bacon smeared in syrup (x-mas breakfast).

Most Random X-Mas Event: old lady in gas station
so at like 10am on christmas, i had to make a beer run (for the chicken, i swear, only the chicken). naturally nothing is open except for gas stations. as i'm leaving, this 97 year old woman trolls up to the counter and barks "gimme a tin of kodiak!" holy addiction. this coming from the guy who was carrying an 18 pack of bud, a sixer of sammy's, and one can of steel reserve. all while the rest of the eastern seaboard is swimming in wrapping paper.

Most Over-Stimulating Moment: eating dinner with my brother's family
on the 26th, we drove to blue knob in pennsylvania to snowboard with my folks, my brother, and his gi-normous family. the boarding was the least exhausting hours of each day. jon has kids/stepkids that range in age from <1-23 years, and two brought their girlfriends. there were 14 people in all, consuming more hot dogs than kobayashi (this one, not this one). there were littluns running around, some demanding you play Guess Who? with them, others crying like shaun alexander after a lost rushing title, 13 conversations going at once (or about one thing), football on the tv. definitely a great time, but definitely overwhelming and a good reminder we're not ready for kids. for the record, we wore the same clothes for roughly 72 hours and i didn't shower from sunday til wednesday (the pool has to count for something, no?). plus riding while listening to rancid helps take you to the next level (i landed my first ever 360), so i figured being as dirty as arnold in predator ("it can't see me!") was the best way to celebrate.

Best Way to Pass Time on a Road Trip: audio books
you can rent audio books at any cracker barrel and return them to any other cracker barrel. for like $3/week. i know, i know - you have to wait in line behind hyperventilating ladies mumbling things like "oh look! a three inch ceramic kitten dressed as santa claus! i'll take 4!" while their husbands dry heave like tek after hearing "that's not a bong, it's for my schlong!". but it's worth it.
Runner Up: 20 questions

Most Spontaneous Way to Spend New Year's: fly to tampa on 12 hours notice
our friend cj was having an engagement party in tampa for new year's and for various reasons we couldn't make it. that is, until 5:30pm on the nite of the 30th. on the way home from the gym we decided we'd look for flights, and 15 minutes later we were on our way to the airport (with no tix) to try to catch a 7:15 flight. no dice, but we got one for the next morning at 9am, so by 3pm we were in florida drinking (a lot of) coronas with a bunch of our college friends. a few hours later we're at the shindig (read: shitfaced), eating more cocktail shrimp than i care to count. cj was completely surprised, as were the guests looking to eat some shrimp. 9 hours after the stroke of midnite we were on a flight back to ohio. maybe the most spur-of-the-moment thing we've ever done.