Thursday, May 26, 2005
3. camden yards, orioles, 1999
this place is pretty awesome because it is newer (built in early 90's) but has that old ballpark feel. out in leftfield, behind the bullpens, there is this cool walkway/standing room area that is very spacious and good for accomodating strollers, wheelchairs, etc. one of my favorite parts is how out behind the rightfield seats is a "street" (it's part of the yards and for walking only) with concessions and plaques marking really long homeruns, who hit them, and on what date.
top 2 - i have so much bias towards these places that i can't really say which one is 1 and which is 2. they are both so awesome, and i guess if i was trying to be objective i'd say fenway, under the new ownership and with it's superior location, is better.
fenway park, red sox, various 1996-2000
i lived for 3 1/2 years in college like 2 blocks from this place. it is unbelievable. before i can even comment on the stadium itself, it's location is ideal. it's surrounded by some awesome bars, peter gammons' gym (gold's, i never saw him there that old puss), and since john henry has taken over he closes yawkey way on game days a few hours before/after games which is great for the atmosphere. the best part about living so close was that you could literally hear when something awesome happened. it's totally electric.
then there's the stadium itself - the green monster, the manual scoreboard, the red seat in right field where ted williams dropped a bomb - and now they've got those seats on the green monster. the only thing not to like is the seats themselves - very uncomfortable, little, and old fashioned. but that's a small price to pay for everything else.
my 3 most memorable games there: (1) patriot's day game in 1992 (eight grade). i was there visiting my brother when he was in college. since we always played on patriot's day ourselves in college, i never got to another one. (2) a game in 96 or 97 when frank thomas and mo vaughn went back and forth in a homerun fest (i think mo hit 3 and frank his 2, all in their first ab's of the game). sitting in the bleachers after frank hit his second, everyone was getting riled up for mo to hit one in the bottom half of the inning - and then he did. the place went nuts. (3) this is a bad one for a yanks fan, but it was historic. they offer $5 general admission military tickets, which means you get to sit in the rich guy's seats when they don't show. nina and i went to the one when pedro struck out 17 yanks, and we were sitting in like the 4th row on the third base line. that was like the peak of pedro's dominance, and you could see the yanks coming back to the dugout in total awe.
yankee stadium, yanks, various 80's-90's
let's get out the downside now - outside the park is a shady area to say the least (there's a ghetto basketball hoop so close it's attached to the stadium), not like yawkey way. i don't want them to move/build a new park, but it definitely warrants mentioning.
but the history just oozes from this place (from the monuments, to bob sheppard announcing, to eddie layton on the organ), and there are no cheesy gimmicks - it's simply old school and classy. plus, because it's completely urban outside the stadium, it's like an oasis when you see the grass (fenway has trees/parks within walking distance). the fans are really top notch (though not classy), and generally i'd say poorer than fenway fans. i swear some of these folks are saving up each week to buy bleacer seats. one main difference between yanks and sox fans - because sox fans were used to losing in horrible ways, they were always a little detached, a little bit defeatist. as for ny fans - their life could be totally in the shitter but they always can count on the yanks. i think they are more loyal (you'll never hear a yanks fan say "oh those fucking yanks, blowing it again", sentiments you hear constantly in boston), and i think it makes for a more never-say-die atmosphere, which is great for sporting events. and don't forget the chanting of the starters names and the chimes when they stage a rally. simply awesome.
most memorable games: i've never been to a playoff game, and during their great run in the late 90's i wasn't home much and didn't get to too many games. when i was little, the yanks were mediocre, but that's where i have the most memories. (1) the 5th game of donnie baseball's 8-straight game homerun streak. i was like 8 and there's nothing quite like seeing your childhood hero dominate. (2) a doubleheader against the royals when i was around 12, just me and my older brother in the bleachers. it was the first time i was a fight (stupid royals fan) and heard so much cursing from adults. also, i remember bernie, just up from the minors, getting totally heckled because the bleacher creatures loved roberto kelly. it didn't even compare to the beatings tartabull (then a royal) was getting in right all day though. plus there was the awesome rivalry between the bleacher creatures and the rest of the stadium (the bleachers are separate).
bleachers: "box seats suck! box seats suck!"
box seats: silence (sort of puzzled, like, are we getting heckled by other fans?)
bleachers: "you pay 12, we pay 4! you pay 12 we pay 4!"
box seats: (finally getting irritated) "get a job! get a job!"
classic. seriously, a sixth grader could hardly ask for a better day.
(3) another game when i was young, probably 13. we always, always got there early for BP, but the gates don't open until the visitor's are hitting. anyway, i was too little to push around the big guys right at the wall, so i went and stood about 20 rows back in right field, in the middle of a row (which is dumb because you can only move side to side). so i'm sitting there, no one within 20 yards, and franklin stubbs rocks one. i didn't even have to move, not one step. easiest catch ever, though my glove was so worn that i remember my index finger throbbing until the 3rd inning. (4) i wasn't there, but my pops, who grew up in the city and has been to hundreds of games at the stadium, was at the one last summer against the sox when jeter made that catch in the stands, and both teams made late rallies with the yanks coming out on top. he keeps the ticket in his wallet and says it was the best mlb game he's ever attended.
well that's my review. i've heard st. louis and pacbell are pretty awesome, and i have to believe minutemaid in houston and miller park in millwaukee are great...
this place is pretty awesome because it is newer (built in early 90's) but has that old ballpark feel. out in leftfield, behind the bullpens, there is this cool walkway/standing room area that is very spacious and good for accomodating strollers, wheelchairs, etc. one of my favorite parts is how out behind the rightfield seats is a "street" (it's part of the yards and for walking only) with concessions and plaques marking really long homeruns, who hit them, and on what date.
top 2 - i have so much bias towards these places that i can't really say which one is 1 and which is 2. they are both so awesome, and i guess if i was trying to be objective i'd say fenway, under the new ownership and with it's superior location, is better.
fenway park, red sox, various 1996-2000
i lived for 3 1/2 years in college like 2 blocks from this place. it is unbelievable. before i can even comment on the stadium itself, it's location is ideal. it's surrounded by some awesome bars, peter gammons' gym (gold's, i never saw him there that old puss), and since john henry has taken over he closes yawkey way on game days a few hours before/after games which is great for the atmosphere. the best part about living so close was that you could literally hear when something awesome happened. it's totally electric.
then there's the stadium itself - the green monster, the manual scoreboard, the red seat in right field where ted williams dropped a bomb - and now they've got those seats on the green monster. the only thing not to like is the seats themselves - very uncomfortable, little, and old fashioned. but that's a small price to pay for everything else.
my 3 most memorable games there: (1) patriot's day game in 1992 (eight grade). i was there visiting my brother when he was in college. since we always played on patriot's day ourselves in college, i never got to another one. (2) a game in 96 or 97 when frank thomas and mo vaughn went back and forth in a homerun fest (i think mo hit 3 and frank his 2, all in their first ab's of the game). sitting in the bleachers after frank hit his second, everyone was getting riled up for mo to hit one in the bottom half of the inning - and then he did. the place went nuts. (3) this is a bad one for a yanks fan, but it was historic. they offer $5 general admission military tickets, which means you get to sit in the rich guy's seats when they don't show. nina and i went to the one when pedro struck out 17 yanks, and we were sitting in like the 4th row on the third base line. that was like the peak of pedro's dominance, and you could see the yanks coming back to the dugout in total awe.
yankee stadium, yanks, various 80's-90's
let's get out the downside now - outside the park is a shady area to say the least (there's a ghetto basketball hoop so close it's attached to the stadium), not like yawkey way. i don't want them to move/build a new park, but it definitely warrants mentioning.
but the history just oozes from this place (from the monuments, to bob sheppard announcing, to eddie layton on the organ), and there are no cheesy gimmicks - it's simply old school and classy. plus, because it's completely urban outside the stadium, it's like an oasis when you see the grass (fenway has trees/parks within walking distance). the fans are really top notch (though not classy), and generally i'd say poorer than fenway fans. i swear some of these folks are saving up each week to buy bleacer seats. one main difference between yanks and sox fans - because sox fans were used to losing in horrible ways, they were always a little detached, a little bit defeatist. as for ny fans - their life could be totally in the shitter but they always can count on the yanks. i think they are more loyal (you'll never hear a yanks fan say "oh those fucking yanks, blowing it again", sentiments you hear constantly in boston), and i think it makes for a more never-say-die atmosphere, which is great for sporting events. and don't forget the chanting of the starters names and the chimes when they stage a rally. simply awesome.
most memorable games: i've never been to a playoff game, and during their great run in the late 90's i wasn't home much and didn't get to too many games. when i was little, the yanks were mediocre, but that's where i have the most memories. (1) the 5th game of donnie baseball's 8-straight game homerun streak. i was like 8 and there's nothing quite like seeing your childhood hero dominate. (2) a doubleheader against the royals when i was around 12, just me and my older brother in the bleachers. it was the first time i was a fight (stupid royals fan) and heard so much cursing from adults. also, i remember bernie, just up from the minors, getting totally heckled because the bleacher creatures loved roberto kelly. it didn't even compare to the beatings tartabull (then a royal) was getting in right all day though. plus there was the awesome rivalry between the bleacher creatures and the rest of the stadium (the bleachers are separate).
bleachers: "box seats suck! box seats suck!"
box seats: silence (sort of puzzled, like, are we getting heckled by other fans?)
bleachers: "you pay 12, we pay 4! you pay 12 we pay 4!"
box seats: (finally getting irritated) "get a job! get a job!"
classic. seriously, a sixth grader could hardly ask for a better day.
(3) another game when i was young, probably 13. we always, always got there early for BP, but the gates don't open until the visitor's are hitting. anyway, i was too little to push around the big guys right at the wall, so i went and stood about 20 rows back in right field, in the middle of a row (which is dumb because you can only move side to side). so i'm sitting there, no one within 20 yards, and franklin stubbs rocks one. i didn't even have to move, not one step. easiest catch ever, though my glove was so worn that i remember my index finger throbbing until the 3rd inning. (4) i wasn't there, but my pops, who grew up in the city and has been to hundreds of games at the stadium, was at the one last summer against the sox when jeter made that catch in the stands, and both teams made late rallies with the yanks coming out on top. he keeps the ticket in his wallet and says it was the best mlb game he's ever attended.
well that's my review. i've heard st. louis and pacbell are pretty awesome, and i have to believe minutemaid in houston and miller park in millwaukee are great...
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
6. metrodome, twins, may 1999
granted i'm not a dome fan. at all. it looks like there's pillows lining the ceiling, and balls can hit off wires and shit. but they do have that cool blue monster in right, and twins fans are pretty intense. the postseason there must be out of control. it's definitely a unique experience (which is more than i can say about shea), if only to hear the vendors say "doncha know" and hear about last nite's hotdish.
5. new comiskey, aka cellular one field or some garbage, chisox, june 18, 1994
the only reason i know the date of this one is because it was my 16th birthday and the day my sister graduated from NU (with dale torborg no less). i rate this one pretty high because it was the first "new" ballpark i'd ever been to, where you can see the field from the concession stands (a nice feature). plus they had fireworks after the game, which is a nice touch on a summer night.
4. great american ballpark, reds, august 2003
another "new ballpark", but this one is better than new comiskey. unreal view of the river, it's located right next to the bengals stadium (which makes for some cool sports ambiance), and there's some great bars very near by. also, there's countless people with "pete rose HOF" signs and rose jerseys, and controversy/living in the past is always interesting. in this game ryan freel made the leap (in my mind) from total unknown to very good and completely underrated player. good concessions (view and food), as this was the first place i ever had skyline chili. since the reds were out of it, military got in free with awesome seats (another plus). sadly for reds fans, there were more cubs fans in attendance.
granted i'm not a dome fan. at all. it looks like there's pillows lining the ceiling, and balls can hit off wires and shit. but they do have that cool blue monster in right, and twins fans are pretty intense. the postseason there must be out of control. it's definitely a unique experience (which is more than i can say about shea), if only to hear the vendors say "doncha know" and hear about last nite's hotdish.
5. new comiskey, aka cellular one field or some garbage, chisox, june 18, 1994
the only reason i know the date of this one is because it was my 16th birthday and the day my sister graduated from NU (with dale torborg no less). i rate this one pretty high because it was the first "new" ballpark i'd ever been to, where you can see the field from the concession stands (a nice feature). plus they had fireworks after the game, which is a nice touch on a summer night.
4. great american ballpark, reds, august 2003
another "new ballpark", but this one is better than new comiskey. unreal view of the river, it's located right next to the bengals stadium (which makes for some cool sports ambiance), and there's some great bars very near by. also, there's countless people with "pete rose HOF" signs and rose jerseys, and controversy/living in the past is always interesting. in this game ryan freel made the leap (in my mind) from total unknown to very good and completely underrated player. good concessions (view and food), as this was the first place i ever had skyline chili. since the reds were out of it, military got in free with awesome seats (another plus). sadly for reds fans, there were more cubs fans in attendance.
did anybody catch jeff gordon's take me out to the ball game recap last nite? not only did he call it "wrigley stadium", but he didn't really know the words or the cadence of the song. the crowd didn't even need bob sagat to yell "you ever suck dick for marijuana?" and for that little guy to scream "boo this man!"- he was heckled mercilessly for the entire song, and rightfully so. gotta love the cubs faithful, and it made me think about how that is one place i must see a game sometime. i've heard it's just as fun to sit at any bar in wrigleyville and get trashed with the locals.
i've been to 9 major league stadiums, and i'll rank em here. obviously, being #9 doesn't mean it's the worst ever, just the worst i've seen (but that's probably 1 and the same here).
9. tropicana field, tampa bay devil rays, august 2001
they have a retractable dome, and it's in florida. we got there early to see BP and it turned out to be player's family day, so instead we got to see jason tyner's kid play tee ball. sweet. it was overcast (not raining) yet the game was played inside, they don't have real grass, and the devil rays draw less fans than than the columbus crew (yep, that's a soccer reference folks) and an NKOTB reunion tour combined. they played the rangers (so we would've seen arod, raffy, pudge, etc take BP) and the highlight for me was getting to see catalanotta play. also, frankie c warmed up with arod before the game, and arod was throwing the ball from home plate to the warning track to loosen up. sweet lou, keep hangin' tough.
8. veterans stadium, phillies, august 1994
this game was fun to watch - the phillies still had all the dirtballs (nails, daulton, inky, krukker), and it was actually the only game i've ever been to that had the benches clear (no punches though). i don't remember who they were playing either, but i do remember thinking the phillie fanatic had 2-1 odds on dying (he rode a scooter along the overhang on the second deck). the fans were good, but i just don't like astroturf, and it had to be 115 degrees because of it. good thing they got a new stadium.
7. shea stadium, mets, various 80's-90's
i'm trying not to be biased here, and i've certainly had some great times at shea. growing up, everyone on long island was a mets fan. honestly, i didn't have one friend (not even an imaginary one) who was a yanks fan, so there were many birthday parties and other family's outings at shea that i tagged along on. my best memory though, without a doubt, was from my senior year of high school. there was like 8 of us, in april '96, wearing huge winter jackets filled with beers to a day game. someone in the group knew this password, "joe usher #4", to say and we would be moved from the cheap seats to the third baseline, like 4 rows up near the tarp. so we're there, really close to the field, getting hammered and heckling everyone (players, fans, little kids) like good drunk high schoolers do. around the 8th inning, someone gets the idea to run on the field. three random fans had already done it earlier in the game. so two of our friends decide to go for it. they hop over the wall, and the rest of us are going bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S!). one guy, joe, who wasn't the fleetest of foot, gave up immediately and was rushed off by some cops. but the other one, rich, headed straight for center field. he gets to center and climbs the wall, just as two security guards are grabbing at his ankles. of course, this wasn't well planned since rich was driving us, but whatever. after the game, we go ask security where to find our friends, and the cop says "heh. you can find em takin it up the ass in riker's island." naturally we're starting to freak out, not so much because they're in jail but more because we (a) are out of beer, and (b) have no ride home. we wound up walking back to the car and holy shit, there's rich, in his car changning his shirt. turns out he hopped the cf wall, scaled a 20 foot chain link fence behind that while avoiding billy club tosses, and ran to his car. we made it back home in time for the night's party, at which i think i threw up in my friend's garbage pail after eating 9 devil dogs (so worth it).
you'd think that experience alone would turn shea in my favor. but honestly. it's purple. and they do the wave there. unacceptable.
[#6-#4 coming later]
i've been to 9 major league stadiums, and i'll rank em here. obviously, being #9 doesn't mean it's the worst ever, just the worst i've seen (but that's probably 1 and the same here).
9. tropicana field, tampa bay devil rays, august 2001
they have a retractable dome, and it's in florida. we got there early to see BP and it turned out to be player's family day, so instead we got to see jason tyner's kid play tee ball. sweet. it was overcast (not raining) yet the game was played inside, they don't have real grass, and the devil rays draw less fans than than the columbus crew (yep, that's a soccer reference folks) and an NKOTB reunion tour combined. they played the rangers (so we would've seen arod, raffy, pudge, etc take BP) and the highlight for me was getting to see catalanotta play. also, frankie c warmed up with arod before the game, and arod was throwing the ball from home plate to the warning track to loosen up. sweet lou, keep hangin' tough.
8. veterans stadium, phillies, august 1994
this game was fun to watch - the phillies still had all the dirtballs (nails, daulton, inky, krukker), and it was actually the only game i've ever been to that had the benches clear (no punches though). i don't remember who they were playing either, but i do remember thinking the phillie fanatic had 2-1 odds on dying (he rode a scooter along the overhang on the second deck). the fans were good, but i just don't like astroturf, and it had to be 115 degrees because of it. good thing they got a new stadium.
7. shea stadium, mets, various 80's-90's
i'm trying not to be biased here, and i've certainly had some great times at shea. growing up, everyone on long island was a mets fan. honestly, i didn't have one friend (not even an imaginary one) who was a yanks fan, so there were many birthday parties and other family's outings at shea that i tagged along on. my best memory though, without a doubt, was from my senior year of high school. there was like 8 of us, in april '96, wearing huge winter jackets filled with beers to a day game. someone in the group knew this password, "joe usher #4", to say and we would be moved from the cheap seats to the third baseline, like 4 rows up near the tarp. so we're there, really close to the field, getting hammered and heckling everyone (players, fans, little kids) like good drunk high schoolers do. around the 8th inning, someone gets the idea to run on the field. three random fans had already done it earlier in the game. so two of our friends decide to go for it. they hop over the wall, and the rest of us are going bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S!). one guy, joe, who wasn't the fleetest of foot, gave up immediately and was rushed off by some cops. but the other one, rich, headed straight for center field. he gets to center and climbs the wall, just as two security guards are grabbing at his ankles. of course, this wasn't well planned since rich was driving us, but whatever. after the game, we go ask security where to find our friends, and the cop says "heh. you can find em takin it up the ass in riker's island." naturally we're starting to freak out, not so much because they're in jail but more because we (a) are out of beer, and (b) have no ride home. we wound up walking back to the car and holy shit, there's rich, in his car changning his shirt. turns out he hopped the cf wall, scaled a 20 foot chain link fence behind that while avoiding billy club tosses, and ran to his car. we made it back home in time for the night's party, at which i think i threw up in my friend's garbage pail after eating 9 devil dogs (so worth it).
you'd think that experience alone would turn shea in my favor. but honestly. it's purple. and they do the wave there. unacceptable.
[#6-#4 coming later]
Thursday, May 19, 2005
music seems like a pretty popular thing to blog about. and even though my mom says i'm a catch, i'm not very cutting edge in this arena. so i'll throw something simple out there. which of these do you agree with the most:
(a) van halen songs on the radio rule. nothing gets me going in the morning like a little jump, panama, or hot for teacher.
(b) it is completely ridiculous and ackward when will smith tries to talk gang-star in his songs, and i don't think jada really appreciates him smacking that girl's ass in his new video.
(c) i don't really understand gwen stefani's posse of asian chicks, or what a holler back girl is. but i don't really care cuz gwen is just a tad hot.
(d) i think jazz is cool, but i don't know why and i don't know shit about it.
(e) my sister is always raving about wilco and about how they allow free downloads of everything. is this the beginning of the end for record labels?
(f) all of the above
(a) van halen songs on the radio rule. nothing gets me going in the morning like a little jump, panama, or hot for teacher.
(b) it is completely ridiculous and ackward when will smith tries to talk gang-star in his songs, and i don't think jada really appreciates him smacking that girl's ass in his new video.
(c) i don't really understand gwen stefani's posse of asian chicks, or what a holler back girl is. but i don't really care cuz gwen is just a tad hot.
(d) i think jazz is cool, but i don't know why and i don't know shit about it.
(e) my sister is always raving about wilco and about how they allow free downloads of everything. is this the beginning of the end for record labels?
(f) all of the above
being unemployed has it downsides. like the feeling of not contributing any monies into the bankroll of team goatz. or having 3 1/2 weeks between your last interview and your next one (tomorrow). and the occasional pangs of inadequacy.
but when i was unemployed for a few weeks back in 2001, that shit bothered me a lot more than it is this time around. i can't really say for sure why. but i'm definitely enjoying this stretch, and it's already about twice as long as the other one.
so, this time, being unemployed seems to have a lot of upsides. i like that i get to eat lunch with nina a couple days a week. i like that when she has to run a 5k for work at 11am on a thursday, i can go. and i'm definitely digging days like yesterday, when i dropped off nina at work, worked out, and was home eating leftover steak and doing a crossword by 9am. i followed that up with the angels-tribe pitcher's duel at 10am MST, listened to the new weezer cd while reading some steinbeck, ate oreos while catching some of buehrle's gem, then worked on editing my boy connelly's manuscript. somewhere in there i hit balls off a tee in the garage, because, well, that's just something i do.
and that was all before nina got home from work. sometimes we'll then go for a hike or a walk before dinner, but last nite we just made lasagna, drank a few coronas and watched igby goes down. fuckin a.
i know that a balance between production and consumption is something i value in life. and while i realize i'm very fortunate to be in this situation, i'm definitely content right now to be a bit of a consumer.
but when i was unemployed for a few weeks back in 2001, that shit bothered me a lot more than it is this time around. i can't really say for sure why. but i'm definitely enjoying this stretch, and it's already about twice as long as the other one.
so, this time, being unemployed seems to have a lot of upsides. i like that i get to eat lunch with nina a couple days a week. i like that when she has to run a 5k for work at 11am on a thursday, i can go. and i'm definitely digging days like yesterday, when i dropped off nina at work, worked out, and was home eating leftover steak and doing a crossword by 9am. i followed that up with the angels-tribe pitcher's duel at 10am MST, listened to the new weezer cd while reading some steinbeck, ate oreos while catching some of buehrle's gem, then worked on editing my boy connelly's manuscript. somewhere in there i hit balls off a tee in the garage, because, well, that's just something i do.
and that was all before nina got home from work. sometimes we'll then go for a hike or a walk before dinner, but last nite we just made lasagna, drank a few coronas and watched igby goes down. fuckin a.
i know that a balance between production and consumption is something i value in life. and while i realize i'm very fortunate to be in this situation, i'm definitely content right now to be a bit of a consumer.
ok, so most of you have seen ahren's disgusting fantasy team. yet somehow, it is i, with a 1-5 record, that sits in the basement of the league standings (he's 2-4). i mean, really, with this squad how is it that i'm losing?
c mauer
1b texeira
2b giles
ss carlos guillen
3b glaus
of edmonds
of floyd
of stewart/berkman
of sosa/stewart
ut nick johnson
sp hudson
sp freddy garcia
sp od. perez
sp weaver
sp byrd
rp cordero
rp gagne
seriously. what the fuck? i need a yankee-like turn around here.
c mauer
1b texeira
2b giles
ss carlos guillen
3b glaus
of edmonds
of floyd
of stewart/berkman
of sosa/stewart
ut nick johnson
sp hudson
sp freddy garcia
sp od. perez
sp weaver
sp byrd
rp cordero
rp gagne
seriously. what the fuck? i need a yankee-like turn around here.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
two weeks ago tomorrow, my folks came out to albuquerque to visit. for 8 days. it was the longest period of time i have spent with my parents since living at home over the summers of college. my sister (33 years old) and her boyfriend were here for a good chunk of it too, so we had a full house (unfortunately, uncle jesse was missing). and since i'm not working, i was trying to entertain guests every waking hour. here's how i did it:
keep mom and dad busy:
my parents are both retired, but they are the type that need a plan. set them in motion, and they're fine. let them idle around the house and things could get tense. luckily, our small back yard needed work and my dad is a gardener extraordinairre. he has quite a green thumb, though this trait was not passed down to me. the only green extremity i have is a left testicle, which i'm blaming on unhealthy quantities of mountain dew and heineken. anywho, we spent the first two days in the yard. keeping the number of margaritas consumed on par with the number of flowers/trees planted certainly doesn't hurt.
do some activities specific to the area in which you live:
previously, this has included air boat rides with barefoot & toenail-less drivers (florida) and, um, other stuff i can't remember (ohio). minor league games are always a good idea in my family but the abq isotopes were out of town. we opted for:
-some hiking. this inevitably involves my mom tripping at some point and my dad declaring "mom's down again!", sometimes while getting it on film with his camcorder.
-a hot air balloon ride, which was awesome. even better, it was followed by a "champagne breakfast", two words that at 9am can only be topped by your wife saying "sex. now." let the record show that currently "champagne breakfast" are the top two words i've ever heard at 9am, but im working on it. i'm not sure how to make it happen, but i DO know that standing naked with a bowl of coco crispies doesn't do the trick.
-a trip to taos, the artsy city a few hours north of abq. nothing could be weirder than being at a wine tasting in a small town 3000 miles from where you grew up and seeing that your 9th grade english teacher owns the store next door. but that's what happened. an odd day for sure.
get drunk at least once, and definitely booze it up every day:
we had a bbq on the saturday they were all here. it started at 4pm, and we/i had polished off two bottles of tequila by 8pm. burgers, beers, darts, cards, good times. except when i jokingly flipped off my mom like i do to my college friends, and she didn't really get it. just to be safe, i'd leave that part out of any family bbq if i was you. but it at least let me add a lemma to my party theory. to "if a keg gets airborne, you're at a good party" you can add "if you give your mom the finger and no one cares, you're at a good party." whew.
so anyway, that's what i recommend when hosting family for long periods of time. it worked for us, but i guess it's not too surprising - i read on WebMD that the combination of alcohol, shrubery, and a hot air balloon are a common cure for the clap. go figure.
keep mom and dad busy:
my parents are both retired, but they are the type that need a plan. set them in motion, and they're fine. let them idle around the house and things could get tense. luckily, our small back yard needed work and my dad is a gardener extraordinairre. he has quite a green thumb, though this trait was not passed down to me. the only green extremity i have is a left testicle, which i'm blaming on unhealthy quantities of mountain dew and heineken. anywho, we spent the first two days in the yard. keeping the number of margaritas consumed on par with the number of flowers/trees planted certainly doesn't hurt.
do some activities specific to the area in which you live:
previously, this has included air boat rides with barefoot & toenail-less drivers (florida) and, um, other stuff i can't remember (ohio). minor league games are always a good idea in my family but the abq isotopes were out of town. we opted for:
-some hiking. this inevitably involves my mom tripping at some point and my dad declaring "mom's down again!", sometimes while getting it on film with his camcorder.
-a hot air balloon ride, which was awesome. even better, it was followed by a "champagne breakfast", two words that at 9am can only be topped by your wife saying "sex. now." let the record show that currently "champagne breakfast" are the top two words i've ever heard at 9am, but im working on it. i'm not sure how to make it happen, but i DO know that standing naked with a bowl of coco crispies doesn't do the trick.
-a trip to taos, the artsy city a few hours north of abq. nothing could be weirder than being at a wine tasting in a small town 3000 miles from where you grew up and seeing that your 9th grade english teacher owns the store next door. but that's what happened. an odd day for sure.
get drunk at least once, and definitely booze it up every day:
we had a bbq on the saturday they were all here. it started at 4pm, and we/i had polished off two bottles of tequila by 8pm. burgers, beers, darts, cards, good times. except when i jokingly flipped off my mom like i do to my college friends, and she didn't really get it. just to be safe, i'd leave that part out of any family bbq if i was you. but it at least let me add a lemma to my party theory. to "if a keg gets airborne, you're at a good party" you can add "if you give your mom the finger and no one cares, you're at a good party." whew.
so anyway, that's what i recommend when hosting family for long periods of time. it worked for us, but i guess it's not too surprising - i read on WebMD that the combination of alcohol, shrubery, and a hot air balloon are a common cure for the clap. go figure.
Monday, May 09, 2005
a couple of baseball notes:
-i caught the zambrano-myers duel yesterday on my beloved WGN. bottom nine and zambrano's throwing 97 with his pitch count in the 130's. he's stuff is just sick, and also pretty sick in the head. that fucker pumps his fist as vigorously as a 12 year old boy (or me) with the latest issue of maxim just about everytime he records an out, and then has the audacity to plunk batters who he thinks are taking their time circling the bases. i hate guys who flaunt their jacks, but i think everyone gets like 8 free jeffrey hammonds one-armed homerun trots against this ass. and while zambrano is probably the best in the NL right now, one thing to watch - just like he did with prior and wood in their first couple of seasons, dusty baker loves to run those pitch counts up there, and it's the ones early in the year that could wind up haunting the cubs later. i wouldn't be surprised at all to see zambrano come down with arm trouble in the next few seasons.
-holy shit, mike hampton has 15 jacks in 284 career at bats. i don't care if some were at colorado, that guy rakes. the pitch hit out yesterday was a down and away fastball, and hampton put a great swing on it. he's definitely a better hitter than eddie perez, and arguably their best bat off the bench (and he has speed). i don't know why bobby cox doesn't think about batting him 7th or something.
-jason who? tino hit yack #6 yesterday, on a 3-0 count no less. if they played every game in NY, i swear he'd get 130 curtain calls a year. also, it's nice to see the yanks win a series for once. i'd tip my cap to doo doo brown, but i still hate that fucker. he needs to win 8 by the all star break if he wants out of my dog house.
-is there anything worse for fantasy league owners than having your pitcher pulled after 4 2/3 with the team up a few? i'm penciling in a win, and bam! i'm talking to you mr. randolph. the mets were up 4-2 last week and he pulled benson needing one out to get the win. he wasn't pitching that bad, his count wasn't too high, i mean, are you that anxious to hand the ball to your pen in the top of the 5th? that one burned me willie, just like when i was drunk last week and tried to take the pizza rolls out of the oven with no mitt. ouch.
-while im bitching about fantasy leagues, i'd hereby like to officially solicite tonya harding's boyfriend to go to work on tom glavine's left knee. dude, that era over 7 and whip of like 10 is killing me, and i have him in a league where you can't remove a player unless he goes on the DL or is sent to the minors. also, can someone give mike lowell his swing back? in the good news department, i get berkman and eric lasagna gagne back this week. let the resurrection/erection begin.
-i caught the zambrano-myers duel yesterday on my beloved WGN. bottom nine and zambrano's throwing 97 with his pitch count in the 130's. he's stuff is just sick, and also pretty sick in the head. that fucker pumps his fist as vigorously as a 12 year old boy (or me) with the latest issue of maxim just about everytime he records an out, and then has the audacity to plunk batters who he thinks are taking their time circling the bases. i hate guys who flaunt their jacks, but i think everyone gets like 8 free jeffrey hammonds one-armed homerun trots against this ass. and while zambrano is probably the best in the NL right now, one thing to watch - just like he did with prior and wood in their first couple of seasons, dusty baker loves to run those pitch counts up there, and it's the ones early in the year that could wind up haunting the cubs later. i wouldn't be surprised at all to see zambrano come down with arm trouble in the next few seasons.
-holy shit, mike hampton has 15 jacks in 284 career at bats. i don't care if some were at colorado, that guy rakes. the pitch hit out yesterday was a down and away fastball, and hampton put a great swing on it. he's definitely a better hitter than eddie perez, and arguably their best bat off the bench (and he has speed). i don't know why bobby cox doesn't think about batting him 7th or something.
-jason who? tino hit yack #6 yesterday, on a 3-0 count no less. if they played every game in NY, i swear he'd get 130 curtain calls a year. also, it's nice to see the yanks win a series for once. i'd tip my cap to doo doo brown, but i still hate that fucker. he needs to win 8 by the all star break if he wants out of my dog house.
-is there anything worse for fantasy league owners than having your pitcher pulled after 4 2/3 with the team up a few? i'm penciling in a win, and bam! i'm talking to you mr. randolph. the mets were up 4-2 last week and he pulled benson needing one out to get the win. he wasn't pitching that bad, his count wasn't too high, i mean, are you that anxious to hand the ball to your pen in the top of the 5th? that one burned me willie, just like when i was drunk last week and tried to take the pizza rolls out of the oven with no mitt. ouch.
-while im bitching about fantasy leagues, i'd hereby like to officially solicite tonya harding's boyfriend to go to work on tom glavine's left knee. dude, that era over 7 and whip of like 10 is killing me, and i have him in a league where you can't remove a player unless he goes on the DL or is sent to the minors. also, can someone give mike lowell his swing back? in the good news department, i get berkman and eric lasagna gagne back this week. let the resurrection/erection begin.
