Friday, February 27, 2004
um, yeah. so jeff kent indirectly accused babe ruth of steroid use. i think he is confusing steroids with hot dogs and beer. what a jackass. does he realize that in the 1920's they were still using ether as a pain killer? yet somehow advanced chemicals like those produced at BALCO made there way into the babe's locker. i wish kent would turn on espn classic and watch a game from the 1980's. the guys are toothpicks. i don't think willie mcgee weighed more than 135 pounds and he was an all-star. weight training alone has not turned players into the physical specimens they are today. hey jeff, go "wash your truck." asshole.
also, here's a trivia question: what is the career record for inside the park homers? career record for triples? guesses in the comment box please, and i'll post the answer monday.
also, here's a trivia question: what is the career record for inside the park homers? career record for triples? guesses in the comment box please, and i'll post the answer monday.
i'd say that cuz it's friday, i'll leave work early. but i do that everyday...
-there is an article on zoomer in this week's sports illustrated. there's a picture of him throwing and they added a graduation cap on top of his baseball hat. it's funny. anyway, this means that in the last month he has been plugged in SI, baseball america, and baseball prospectus. wow.
-so my sister and her boyfriend marlow do a lot of hitch hiking. they live in wyoming and i guess it's generally accepted out there in the wild wild west. they have made some lengthy trips via this method of travel (when marlow left our wedding, he literally started walking from florida to wyoming knowing he would get picked up eventually). but this guy pete i know from my neighborhood growing up takes the cake. he was my friend's older brother and one day when we were like 15 (he was probably 25), he comes out of his room with a backpack and machete and hitch hikes to HONDURAS. he came back like 6 weeks later, after flying back (pfft - flying - what a puss, no?) from visiting his peace corp girlfriend. i can't even begin to imagine the sketchiness of those who picked him up in central america.
-"team ramrod. say it. dammit ramathorn, how come you didn't say team ramrod?"
-raul mondesi hasn't hit less than 24 homers a year since 1994. but the only team willing to sign him was the pirates. can you say clubhouse cancer?
-from the Don't Knock It Til You've Seen It category: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. im serious, this show is hilarious. it's on bravo, tuesdays at 10pm, but pretty much every weekend they show a bunch cuz there's only so much celebrity poker one network can show. and while im opening myself up for public harassment, i might as well say that i like the hillary duff song that's on the radio rite now.
-there is an article on zoomer in this week's sports illustrated. there's a picture of him throwing and they added a graduation cap on top of his baseball hat. it's funny. anyway, this means that in the last month he has been plugged in SI, baseball america, and baseball prospectus. wow.
-so my sister and her boyfriend marlow do a lot of hitch hiking. they live in wyoming and i guess it's generally accepted out there in the wild wild west. they have made some lengthy trips via this method of travel (when marlow left our wedding, he literally started walking from florida to wyoming knowing he would get picked up eventually). but this guy pete i know from my neighborhood growing up takes the cake. he was my friend's older brother and one day when we were like 15 (he was probably 25), he comes out of his room with a backpack and machete and hitch hikes to HONDURAS. he came back like 6 weeks later, after flying back (pfft - flying - what a puss, no?) from visiting his peace corp girlfriend. i can't even begin to imagine the sketchiness of those who picked him up in central america.
-"team ramrod. say it. dammit ramathorn, how come you didn't say team ramrod?"
-raul mondesi hasn't hit less than 24 homers a year since 1994. but the only team willing to sign him was the pirates. can you say clubhouse cancer?
-from the Don't Knock It Til You've Seen It category: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. im serious, this show is hilarious. it's on bravo, tuesdays at 10pm, but pretty much every weekend they show a bunch cuz there's only so much celebrity poker one network can show. and while im opening myself up for public harassment, i might as well say that i like the hillary duff song that's on the radio rite now.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
i gotta plug my boy roy-o (aka the hustler - link to the left) for his new blog, and especially for the link he posted today. shut the door to your office when you watch this, it outdoes the "petey at bandcamp" scene from american pie 2.
last nite the local news spent like 10 of their 30 minutes discussing the passion of the christ. i always like when movies/tv/books are thought provoking so i have no problem with this movie being made. something worries me a bit about it though, and after seeing the news report i know what. they interviewed a bunch of people coming out of the theater. they were all obviously shocked, some tearing a bit, and one lady was sobbing uncontrollably as they interviewed her. and all of them were like "i can't believe it happened like that," or "seeing it in the flesh and blood makes it so real." why this scares me is that while this movie is simply mel gibson's depiction of jesus and the crucification, the viewers seemed to be taking it as fact. it seems gibson, who apparently is a religious zealot/fanatic now (when did his happen by the way), is getting the exact reaction he hoped for from common folk ("the masses"). he has shown his opinion and it appears will make it the belief of millions of others. regardless of the content of one's views, it is frightening that someone could so easily put their view into the minds of so many others, where it settles as "truth."
the other thing that surprised me was how some of the viewers were saying they were appalled at the goriness of the crucification scene. i guess cuz people talk about it so much (at church, etc) they forget or never realize how horrible a thing it is to literally nail someone to cross. i think this is an extension of how most americans often forget how lucky we have it here, and are blind to many attrocities in the world. i read somewhere that in one middle eastern country they can legally stone a woman to death for committing adultery. can you even fathom how long it would take to end a life by throwing rocks at them? and this is just one of probably a gazillion things we are lucky enough not to have to deal with in our culture.
last nite the local news spent like 10 of their 30 minutes discussing the passion of the christ. i always like when movies/tv/books are thought provoking so i have no problem with this movie being made. something worries me a bit about it though, and after seeing the news report i know what. they interviewed a bunch of people coming out of the theater. they were all obviously shocked, some tearing a bit, and one lady was sobbing uncontrollably as they interviewed her. and all of them were like "i can't believe it happened like that," or "seeing it in the flesh and blood makes it so real." why this scares me is that while this movie is simply mel gibson's depiction of jesus and the crucification, the viewers seemed to be taking it as fact. it seems gibson, who apparently is a religious zealot/fanatic now (when did his happen by the way), is getting the exact reaction he hoped for from common folk ("the masses"). he has shown his opinion and it appears will make it the belief of millions of others. regardless of the content of one's views, it is frightening that someone could so easily put their view into the minds of so many others, where it settles as "truth."
the other thing that surprised me was how some of the viewers were saying they were appalled at the goriness of the crucification scene. i guess cuz people talk about it so much (at church, etc) they forget or never realize how horrible a thing it is to literally nail someone to cross. i think this is an extension of how most americans often forget how lucky we have it here, and are blind to many attrocities in the world. i read somewhere that in one middle eastern country they can legally stone a woman to death for committing adultery. can you even fathom how long it would take to end a life by throwing rocks at them? and this is just one of probably a gazillion things we are lucky enough not to have to deal with in our culture.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
so this guy two offices down from me, who will be referred to from here on out as weeble or wobble or schmoo (cuz he is rather pear shaped and my supervisor has referred to him in the past as a cartoon character), has "chronic cough." if you are like me and had never heard of this, i will explain. apparently chronic cough is when at various times of the day you start gagging, wretching, heaving, and/or hacking for literally 30 straight seconds at a volume and level of putrid-ness that could be heard from here to pennsylvania. i guess weeble got this ailment a few months back and has been terrifying and disgusting co-workers ever since. the first time i heard it, someone ran down the hall to see if he was dying. i swear everytime i walk past his office i expect to see phelgm lining the walls. i can't even imagine what color it would be.
it has gotten to the point where once wobble gets going, people start cringing, wincing, or rolling their eyes. rumor has it schmoo is a bit of a drama queen. regardless, the chronic cough has interrupted every meeting i've been in for the past 3 weeks. and he's never actually in the meetings. after one such interruption, my buddy mike mentioned that after one multiple minute lung massacre, wobbles came into the bathroom and spit up in the sink (apparently the toilet or garbage can were not logical choices). and it's one of those cheese grater type drains, not just a hole, so the junk was just sitting there afterwards. naturally i asked mike if he got a spoon and dug in, and that caused some more dry heaving in the meeting.
the only reason i know it's called chronic cough is because a few of the nicer people in the office go to check on him after the longer episodes to make sure his spleen hasn't lodged itself on his keyboard. he then proceeds to describe his illness in horrible detail until the listener is slowly backing out of his office in fear/repulsion thinking they need to start bringing a SARS mask to work. after witnessing one such conversation, i heard the listener say "hope yur feeling better," to which weebly answered "oh i am, i haven't cracked any ribs in 2 weeks!"
i don't exactly know what my point is. maybe it's one of those "hey this is gross...you gotta try it" things. i really should record one of the coughing sessions so you can get a vivid take on the matter.
it has gotten to the point where once wobble gets going, people start cringing, wincing, or rolling their eyes. rumor has it schmoo is a bit of a drama queen. regardless, the chronic cough has interrupted every meeting i've been in for the past 3 weeks. and he's never actually in the meetings. after one such interruption, my buddy mike mentioned that after one multiple minute lung massacre, wobbles came into the bathroom and spit up in the sink (apparently the toilet or garbage can were not logical choices). and it's one of those cheese grater type drains, not just a hole, so the junk was just sitting there afterwards. naturally i asked mike if he got a spoon and dug in, and that caused some more dry heaving in the meeting.
the only reason i know it's called chronic cough is because a few of the nicer people in the office go to check on him after the longer episodes to make sure his spleen hasn't lodged itself on his keyboard. he then proceeds to describe his illness in horrible detail until the listener is slowly backing out of his office in fear/repulsion thinking they need to start bringing a SARS mask to work. after witnessing one such conversation, i heard the listener say "hope yur feeling better," to which weebly answered "oh i am, i haven't cracked any ribs in 2 weeks!"
i don't exactly know what my point is. maybe it's one of those "hey this is gross...you gotta try it" things. i really should record one of the coughing sessions so you can get a vivid take on the matter.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
with all the DVD players being installed into cars, it's only a matter of time before DWsI (driving while spankin it) becomes a common crime. and it looks like we're well on our way. if you don't laugh at the movie title, you may want to re-think your idea of humor.
all week ive been reading about the similarities between arod and soriano. so i figure someone has to play the other side. here's some blatant differences:
-arod never lied about his age.
-in terms of marketing (i.e. revenue for the yankees), soriano will never significantly raise ticket sales/merchandise for any team. he is camera shy and doesn't speak english well. this is not a crime, but unless yur bonds being aloof doesn't sell. people are raving about arod as a latino in NY. correct me if im wrong, but wasn't soriano a latino in NY? arod will pay for himself in revenues much more than soriano ever will (especially when he leaves texas after next year and signs with the highest bidder).
-arod is a gold glover. soriano is athletic, but clueless on defense. am i the only one who cringes when he receives a cut off throw (you know jeter is yelling "eat it eat it!" but alfonso throws it into the stands anyway)? and i don't think i ever saw him make a play to his left. ever.
-arod never has been and never will be an automatic out as soriano was in last year's playoffs. i had to change the channel for 15 seconds (his AB's never took longer than that) every time he came up so i could miss the flailing at sliders in the dirt.
-arod will not piss off the fans/press/teammates by failing to run out a pop up.
-arod will never be benched for enrique wilson against pedro martinez in game 7 of an ALCS.
in soriano's defense:
-arod will never steal 40 bags again.
-arod doesn't swing the largest bat since babe ruth.
-arod doesn't wear his socks up.
-arod is not a 160-pound freak of nature. seriously how does soriano generate that much bat speed? can he pop a tennis ball by squeezing it? they should've had him play the bernie mac part in ocean's eleven when he shakes hands with the car salesman...
-arod would sell out if given the chance, but where else could he possibly want to go?
-arod never lied about his age.
-in terms of marketing (i.e. revenue for the yankees), soriano will never significantly raise ticket sales/merchandise for any team. he is camera shy and doesn't speak english well. this is not a crime, but unless yur bonds being aloof doesn't sell. people are raving about arod as a latino in NY. correct me if im wrong, but wasn't soriano a latino in NY? arod will pay for himself in revenues much more than soriano ever will (especially when he leaves texas after next year and signs with the highest bidder).
-arod is a gold glover. soriano is athletic, but clueless on defense. am i the only one who cringes when he receives a cut off throw (you know jeter is yelling "eat it eat it!" but alfonso throws it into the stands anyway)? and i don't think i ever saw him make a play to his left. ever.
-arod never has been and never will be an automatic out as soriano was in last year's playoffs. i had to change the channel for 15 seconds (his AB's never took longer than that) every time he came up so i could miss the flailing at sliders in the dirt.
-arod will not piss off the fans/press/teammates by failing to run out a pop up.
-arod will never be benched for enrique wilson against pedro martinez in game 7 of an ALCS.
in soriano's defense:
-arod will never steal 40 bags again.
-arod doesn't swing the largest bat since babe ruth.
-arod doesn't wear his socks up.
-arod is not a 160-pound freak of nature. seriously how does soriano generate that much bat speed? can he pop a tennis ball by squeezing it? they should've had him play the bernie mac part in ocean's eleven when he shakes hands with the car salesman...
-arod would sell out if given the chance, but where else could he possibly want to go?
Friday, February 20, 2004
i gotta put a few sports-related comments out here today too.
-it looks like pedro will be late to camp. how unusual. when he finally does decide to report, ten bucks he has visa problems requiring additional time at home.
-eric gagne lost his arbitration hearing. is this a joke? at least david eckstein won his and now makes 2.15 mil a year to have a .650 OPS.
-i won't say much about john henry cuz the boss took care of that whiny bitch. but seriously, is henry forgetting that the yanks gave up a great player to get arod? granted im not sold on soriano, but apparently everyone else is, so consensus says he's great. and it wasn't a free agent signing like usual, or a trade involving prospects. something else that hasn't been mentioned is that soriano would've required roughly $10 mil a year next season, and that money will pay about 2/3's of arod's salary.
-my dad mentioned a NY rumor that the yanks may move jeter to CF a la robin yount. jeter is awfully good at going back on balls...
-in football news mark brunell just signed a seven year contract with the redskins. really. who approves things like this? that's like giving a ten year warranty on a car with 200,000 miles. i hear they're bringing in dan marino as his back up.
-it looks like pedro will be late to camp. how unusual. when he finally does decide to report, ten bucks he has visa problems requiring additional time at home.
-eric gagne lost his arbitration hearing. is this a joke? at least david eckstein won his and now makes 2.15 mil a year to have a .650 OPS.
-i won't say much about john henry cuz the boss took care of that whiny bitch. but seriously, is henry forgetting that the yanks gave up a great player to get arod? granted im not sold on soriano, but apparently everyone else is, so consensus says he's great. and it wasn't a free agent signing like usual, or a trade involving prospects. something else that hasn't been mentioned is that soriano would've required roughly $10 mil a year next season, and that money will pay about 2/3's of arod's salary.
-my dad mentioned a NY rumor that the yanks may move jeter to CF a la robin yount. jeter is awfully good at going back on balls...
-in football news mark brunell just signed a seven year contract with the redskins. really. who approves things like this? that's like giving a ten year warranty on a car with 200,000 miles. i hear they're bringing in dan marino as his back up.
two days after wednesday. yipee!
-a while back we went out to buy vodka for martinis at like 9pm on a saturday. all that was open was the grocery store, so clearly our hopes of getting kettel one were dashed. we settled for the $4.99 per liter Popov vodka. it even came in a glass bottle. shockingly, it turned out to be awful. but the real kicker is that when i opened the freezer last nite, THE VODKA WAS FROZEN. obviously popov = quality shit.
-i believe the saying goes "put your money where your mouth is," not "put your money in your mouth and swallow."
-the other day i heard someone mention john kerry looks like alec baldwin. what? am i the only one who thinks kerry is fucking scary looking? so ghastly. it looks like his face is melting off. maybe he just saw the Ark of the Covenant and ghosts are flying thru his body as we speak.
-caught the first Baseball Tonight of the year yesterday. although they just re-hashed all the arod stuff, it was good to see HR and the gang back in action. other than this show, PTI is my favorite on espn. wilbon is really funny. weekdays at 5:30pm. it's far superior to Aroung the Horn with Max "do i really have my own sports show on espn" Kellerman.
-we hit up barnes & nobles the other nite. i found that book on infinity that lauren recommended (gotta wait for softcover cuz $24 is too much) but didn't find the book jaw recommended. not that i looked very hard for it - i was addicted to transworld snowboarding per usual. i picked up robinson crusoe and fear and loathing in las vegas, and read the latter in a 24 hour span. i liked it a lot. pretty trippy as expected, but i love randomness and there was lots of that. it got a bit disconnected in the last 40 pages or so and had tons of references to '60s people i didn't get, but all the drug induced paranoia was hilarious nonetheless. i bet it was just like all of cj's trips from LA to vegas...
-a while back we went out to buy vodka for martinis at like 9pm on a saturday. all that was open was the grocery store, so clearly our hopes of getting kettel one were dashed. we settled for the $4.99 per liter Popov vodka. it even came in a glass bottle. shockingly, it turned out to be awful. but the real kicker is that when i opened the freezer last nite, THE VODKA WAS FROZEN. obviously popov = quality shit.
-i believe the saying goes "put your money where your mouth is," not "put your money in your mouth and swallow."
-the other day i heard someone mention john kerry looks like alec baldwin. what? am i the only one who thinks kerry is fucking scary looking? so ghastly. it looks like his face is melting off. maybe he just saw the Ark of the Covenant and ghosts are flying thru his body as we speak.
-caught the first Baseball Tonight of the year yesterday. although they just re-hashed all the arod stuff, it was good to see HR and the gang back in action. other than this show, PTI is my favorite on espn. wilbon is really funny. weekdays at 5:30pm. it's far superior to Aroung the Horn with Max "do i really have my own sports show on espn" Kellerman.
-we hit up barnes & nobles the other nite. i found that book on infinity that lauren recommended (gotta wait for softcover cuz $24 is too much) but didn't find the book jaw recommended. not that i looked very hard for it - i was addicted to transworld snowboarding per usual. i picked up robinson crusoe and fear and loathing in las vegas, and read the latter in a 24 hour span. i liked it a lot. pretty trippy as expected, but i love randomness and there was lots of that. it got a bit disconnected in the last 40 pages or so and had tons of references to '60s people i didn't get, but all the drug induced paranoia was hilarious nonetheless. i bet it was just like all of cj's trips from LA to vegas...
Thursday, February 19, 2004
so we had a very fun valentine's day. we went to cincinnatti, visited the art museum, hit up gillian's for darts and golden tee (in which nina birdied every hole but one that we played), then went to a fancy restaurant. it was exquisite, especially when we overheard this really staunch old rich guy refer to his quail as "mushy." this was followed up by drinks at a jazz club and white castle/beers in our hotel room (yes we ran the gamut this year). somehow our room was sandwiched between literally 12 rooms of 10-14 year olds who were there for some christian youth group weekend (don't get me started on this). and so we became the old folks who call the front desk and ask for a hall sweep at 1am cuz the screeches of 12 year olds are simply too much when yur romantically eating 2"x2" cheeseburgers and guzzling a bud bottle. regardless, it was simply a fantastic day.
anyway, yesterday nina came home and said some guy in her class gave his wife chocolates for valentine's day. before i could offer, "yeah but no white castle?" she told me that when his wife opened the box, there was some card in there which they assumed described the candies contents. to their surprise, it was a notice saying they had won a 5 day all-expense paid trip to any of a list of european cities. only 100 boxes nationwide had this card. wow. you never actually think people win things like that. so they are off to ireland in a few weeks. jackpot.
anyway, yesterday nina came home and said some guy in her class gave his wife chocolates for valentine's day. before i could offer, "yeah but no white castle?" she told me that when his wife opened the box, there was some card in there which they assumed described the candies contents. to their surprise, it was a notice saying they had won a 5 day all-expense paid trip to any of a list of european cities. only 100 boxes nationwide had this card. wow. you never actually think people win things like that. so they are off to ireland in a few weeks. jackpot.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
poor lemmer. the one week he doesn't have internet access is the one week he coulda taken huge strides towards his goal of reaching space. and for a mere $9 mil too...
Friday, February 13, 2004
ooo la la. friday. and a long weekend to boot...
-remember this conversation:
billy: what about you sideburns, you want some milk?
janitor: rather have a beer...
let's just say the school probably would've much rather had beer in their milk than this.
-we've been grinding our own coffee beans lately, and let me tell you the results are fantastic. infinitely better than pre-grinded bean. seriously if yur into coffee you gotta go get yurself a grinder.
-i've been over this before. i love crosswords. but nothing pisses me off more than when like 1/3 of the clues are proper names, or things like "40's tv star tom." fuckin bullshit.
-this past season eric gagne saved 55/55 games. and he blew one in the all-star game, causing the nl to lose. this past season mike vanderjagt didn't miss one extra point or field goal all season. and he missed two in the pro bowl, causing the afc to lose. i doubt that's ever happened before.
-my distaste for the nba continues to grow, as does my interest in college hoops (does that sentence even make sense?). there's college games on like every nite featuring ranked teams, and there's a big upset like every other nite (i.e. charlotte over louisville last nite, just when i was thinking louisville was a team to fear in the tourney). it's great. they even play team basketball sometimes. when i saw that standford game live last weekend, i knew i was hooked for the season. despite all the controversy at st. john's. i bet mike jarvis is sooooo glad he got fired now.
-remember this conversation:
billy: what about you sideburns, you want some milk?
janitor: rather have a beer...
let's just say the school probably would've much rather had beer in their milk than this.
-we've been grinding our own coffee beans lately, and let me tell you the results are fantastic. infinitely better than pre-grinded bean. seriously if yur into coffee you gotta go get yurself a grinder.
-i've been over this before. i love crosswords. but nothing pisses me off more than when like 1/3 of the clues are proper names, or things like "40's tv star tom." fuckin bullshit.
-this past season eric gagne saved 55/55 games. and he blew one in the all-star game, causing the nl to lose. this past season mike vanderjagt didn't miss one extra point or field goal all season. and he missed two in the pro bowl, causing the afc to lose. i doubt that's ever happened before.
-my distaste for the nba continues to grow, as does my interest in college hoops (does that sentence even make sense?). there's college games on like every nite featuring ranked teams, and there's a big upset like every other nite (i.e. charlotte over louisville last nite, just when i was thinking louisville was a team to fear in the tourney). it's great. they even play team basketball sometimes. when i saw that standford game live last weekend, i knew i was hooked for the season. despite all the controversy at st. john's. i bet mike jarvis is sooooo glad he got fired now.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
ok, two questions:
what is everyone reading rite now? im on my third dan brown book of the year, and while i really enjoy them i think it is time to move on. just for the record, if you like michael crichton, you'll like dan brown. maybe even more. his books are very well researched and usually somewhat science related.
does anyone know anything about any potential independent presidential candidates? who is this year's ralph nader or ross perot? please share...
lastly, good luck to lemmer as his cross country adventure begins this evening. steinbeck would be proud my friend. you just need a poodle and a crazy trailer...
what is everyone reading rite now? im on my third dan brown book of the year, and while i really enjoy them i think it is time to move on. just for the record, if you like michael crichton, you'll like dan brown. maybe even more. his books are very well researched and usually somewhat science related.
does anyone know anything about any potential independent presidential candidates? who is this year's ralph nader or ross perot? please share...
lastly, good luck to lemmer as his cross country adventure begins this evening. steinbeck would be proud my friend. you just need a poodle and a crazy trailer...
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
so my company had a big re-organization in the past month, and the new division manager came out to speak to us yesterday. he looks like that cartoon droopy dog. naturally his presentation used phrases like "creating new lines of business" which he said all slow for emphasis. is this a novel concept or something? am i the only one who finds this demeaning? anyway, after that i didn't hear another word he said and instead started looking around the room. that's when i almost got nauseas.
we were all sitting in these gray, high back, wheely chairs. they have some bounce to them. so as i start to look around i notice that like 3/4 's of the room is rocking up and down (or is it back and forth?) in their chairs, all at different speeds. it was like a sea of undulating bald guys. it reminded me having have spins after a nite of heavy drinking. seriously it was awful. i just picked a spot on the floor and didn't look at anything else for the rest of the meeting.
another thing that killed me about this meeting are the people i like to call the loud eater, the loud laugher, and the loud breather (very original names, no?). i kid you not, in a room of 60+ people all three were within an arm's length of me. the loud eater timed his tostito crunching perfectly with the speaker's pauses. like "and thus we need to create [crrrrrrunch] new lines [crunch] of [crunch crunch] business [crunchity crunch]." obviously this amused me and i started laughing. senor droopy was not pleased.
the loud laugher is so annoying. every time the speaker tries to invoke a little giggle with some stupid office joke (such as "i'm a business unit manager, aka a BUM"), the loud laugher goes overboard showing not only they caught the joke, but thought it was great too. the lady is notorious for this, at least in my mind. but the 50 decibal cackle still makes me wince and rear back like someone cracked a whip or something.
the loud breather was a new one to me. it was like there was a doctor with a stethoscope telling him, "breath in big. okay just one more time now. okay, and again. good, now keep this up for the next 47 minutes." the nose whistle was another feature of this guy. i was tempted to ask him if he could give me a little rendition of jimmy crack corn, but i opted against it.
lastly, there was a rather heavy, older guy there wearing sweatpants, no socks, and black velcro sneakers. apparently a collared business shirt was just the rite addition to this ensemble. im at least glad that he didn't sell out and get all dressed up for the new boss.
oh, and im trying to find a new job...
we were all sitting in these gray, high back, wheely chairs. they have some bounce to them. so as i start to look around i notice that like 3/4 's of the room is rocking up and down (or is it back and forth?) in their chairs, all at different speeds. it was like a sea of undulating bald guys. it reminded me having have spins after a nite of heavy drinking. seriously it was awful. i just picked a spot on the floor and didn't look at anything else for the rest of the meeting.
another thing that killed me about this meeting are the people i like to call the loud eater, the loud laugher, and the loud breather (very original names, no?). i kid you not, in a room of 60+ people all three were within an arm's length of me. the loud eater timed his tostito crunching perfectly with the speaker's pauses. like "and thus we need to create [crrrrrrunch] new lines [crunch] of [crunch crunch] business [crunchity crunch]." obviously this amused me and i started laughing. senor droopy was not pleased.
the loud laugher is so annoying. every time the speaker tries to invoke a little giggle with some stupid office joke (such as "i'm a business unit manager, aka a BUM"), the loud laugher goes overboard showing not only they caught the joke, but thought it was great too. the lady is notorious for this, at least in my mind. but the 50 decibal cackle still makes me wince and rear back like someone cracked a whip or something.
the loud breather was a new one to me. it was like there was a doctor with a stethoscope telling him, "breath in big. okay just one more time now. okay, and again. good, now keep this up for the next 47 minutes." the nose whistle was another feature of this guy. i was tempted to ask him if he could give me a little rendition of jimmy crack corn, but i opted against it.
lastly, there was a rather heavy, older guy there wearing sweatpants, no socks, and black velcro sneakers. apparently a collared business shirt was just the rite addition to this ensemble. im at least glad that he didn't sell out and get all dressed up for the new boss.
oh, and im trying to find a new job...
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
according to this, mtv is taking 6 of its videos and only showing them from 10pm to 6am. a spokesperson "denied that MTV was engaging in self-censorship or responding to pressure from its corporate parent, Viacom Inc."
uh, yeah. okay.
you either push the envelope and deal with the repercussions or you become a push over like nbc. mtv can't have it both ways. they can't offer me cristal with a dose of morals. what crap.
plus, 6 videos? they only consider 6 of their videos racy?
seriously, i can't believe mtv. don't tell me it's okay for a 4 year old viewer to watch some teenage boy ruffle through a girl's panty drawer on "taildaters," but it's not okay to see an incubus video. this is so random. and it makes as much sense as no alcohol sales on sunday...
uh, yeah. okay.
you either push the envelope and deal with the repercussions or you become a push over like nbc. mtv can't have it both ways. they can't offer me cristal with a dose of morals. what crap.
plus, 6 videos? they only consider 6 of their videos racy?
seriously, i can't believe mtv. don't tell me it's okay for a 4 year old viewer to watch some teenage boy ruffle through a girl's panty drawer on "taildaters," but it's not okay to see an incubus video. this is so random. and it makes as much sense as no alcohol sales on sunday...
Monday, February 09, 2004
so it was a paul giamatti weekend. friday before our soccer game we watched american splendor, which as lauren pointed out on friday, was very cool. that harvey pekar was one strange dude.
then on saturday we had dinner and drinks in this restaurant/jazz club. i had these awesome beers called "left hand sawtooth," which nina said sounded like a pitcher's name (a really hard ass pitcher). the guitarist playing looked exactly like the michael bolton character from office space. i expected him to start talking trash to a laser printer on stage. unfortunately there was no samir look-alike.
somehow the jazz club made us want to see duets again. it had been a while anway. duets is a great movie. if you haven't seen it, you should. all about karaoke. and giamatti (especially with that earring and mumbling "una cervetha") alone makes it worth your while. plus huey lewis is in it, which is funny in itself. and all the actors do their own singing which always impresses me.
then on saturday we had dinner and drinks in this restaurant/jazz club. i had these awesome beers called "left hand sawtooth," which nina said sounded like a pitcher's name (a really hard ass pitcher). the guitarist playing looked exactly like the michael bolton character from office space. i expected him to start talking trash to a laser printer on stage. unfortunately there was no samir look-alike.
somehow the jazz club made us want to see duets again. it had been a while anway. duets is a great movie. if you haven't seen it, you should. all about karaoke. and giamatti (especially with that earring and mumbling "una cervetha") alone makes it worth your while. plus huey lewis is in it, which is funny in itself. and all the actors do their own singing which always impresses me.
Friday, February 06, 2004
viernes. muy bien.
-now that the super bowl hoopla has died down, there's something i want to predict. after seeing tom brady in laura bush's box (not in that way, pervs) for the state of the union i would wager he will try to follow the career path of steve largent (who was a legendary NFL wide receiver and then an ohklahoma senator). that sneaky pretty boy has politics written all over him. also, did anyone see his dance during the super bowl parade?
-lebron james is in the midst of completing a lot of firsts for a 19 year old in the nba. don't get me wrong, he is phenomenal. but he also may be the first 19 year old nba player to openly complain about being left off the all-star team. that's gotta sit real well with his teammates. also, i watched the cavs play tues and wed nites. both games he took the shot at the buzzer to win. both times he threw up air balls.
-the united states: world superpower AND only country left on earth so frightened and offended at the quick glimpse of a woman's breast.
-classic sinatra made my cd rotation at work this week. great performances from '53-'60. it's awesome.
-today i successfully managed to NOT get in an akward conversation with the only other person on the elevator. i don't know if i can take credit for this achievement tho, cuz i was just bewildered/confused by the 40-something woman who had sparkles on her jeans. and her work bag was one of those rolling luggage pieces.
-i don't like to give more than 5 random thoughts, but "miracle" comes out tonite. we caught the sneak preview last saturday. if you are a sports fan, you cannot miss this. it'll give you tingles. for like an hour straight. and all the actors are former college or minor league hockey players so the skill level is great (greg i kept expecting to see you on the ice). one of the 1980 team members is even played in the movie by his son.
-now that the super bowl hoopla has died down, there's something i want to predict. after seeing tom brady in laura bush's box (not in that way, pervs) for the state of the union i would wager he will try to follow the career path of steve largent (who was a legendary NFL wide receiver and then an ohklahoma senator). that sneaky pretty boy has politics written all over him. also, did anyone see his dance during the super bowl parade?
-lebron james is in the midst of completing a lot of firsts for a 19 year old in the nba. don't get me wrong, he is phenomenal. but he also may be the first 19 year old nba player to openly complain about being left off the all-star team. that's gotta sit real well with his teammates. also, i watched the cavs play tues and wed nites. both games he took the shot at the buzzer to win. both times he threw up air balls.
-the united states: world superpower AND only country left on earth so frightened and offended at the quick glimpse of a woman's breast.
-classic sinatra made my cd rotation at work this week. great performances from '53-'60. it's awesome.
-today i successfully managed to NOT get in an akward conversation with the only other person on the elevator. i don't know if i can take credit for this achievement tho, cuz i was just bewildered/confused by the 40-something woman who had sparkles on her jeans. and her work bag was one of those rolling luggage pieces.
-i don't like to give more than 5 random thoughts, but "miracle" comes out tonite. we caught the sneak preview last saturday. if you are a sports fan, you cannot miss this. it'll give you tingles. for like an hour straight. and all the actors are former college or minor league hockey players so the skill level is great (greg i kept expecting to see you on the ice). one of the 1980 team members is even played in the movie by his son.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
i forgot to mention this the other day, but jaw has a blog now. i was referring to him as "bangkok or bust," but i think im gonna pull a cj and give him a nickname he created for someone else. click "shiny" on the left to get to his blog.
so the DC voucher plan. it passed. now the government is using tax payer money to send students in DC public schools from low-income families to private school. even if this was a good idea, it would be like putting a bandaid on a severed limb. but in this case the bandaid is covered in hydrochloric acid:
can the president send a clearer message that public schools suck and he is giving up on them? seriously what does this solve in the long term? so, up to 1700 kids will get to go to private schools. what about the hundreds of thousands who don't?
there are plenty of middle class people who can't afford to send their kids to private school. now their kids get doubly screwed. not only does the government take funding away from their public schools, but it doesn't allow them to be eligible for the grants.
there are also plenty of middle class people who scrap up enough cash to send their kids to private school. now those kids are going to have a tougher time getting in because of this program (i.e johnny and susie are equal but susie is part of the voucher plan so she gets in). so they will be forced back into the crappy public schools. did i mention that these will be even more under-funded now? also, unlike with race (i.e affirmative action), income level can change. maybe you have a middle class family with two working parents. maybe one will quit so their kid will be eligible for the voucher.
on a side this is so fucking typical of education: in public schools the middle-of-the-road kids get fucked over. i can't even tell you how many steps are made in public schools towards helping below average, non-motivated students who are barely going to graduate. but the actual average kid gets overlooked cuz he/she doesn't cause problems. i saw it so many times as a teacher. anyway, back to the voucher plan.
it seems safe to assume that all of the low-income applicants will have to meet the same academic standards as any other applicant (if not i have to believe this plan would never have passed). so in essence you are taking the best low-income kids out of the schools. teachers who have 2 bright kids out of 30 are going to be left with the 28 others. look for DC public school teacher resignations to grow.
although it is not a reason to oppose the plan, you can't ignore the fact that the richer families will be in an uproar now that their private school kids' classes will potentially grow in size. and it's safe to say that will be their most politically correct complaint...
so public schools will clearly get worse, and private schools (in which parents have a lot of pull because they are paying everyone's salaries) will be filled with even more controversy than usual, which will be sure to foster a good learning environment. wow. looks like we have a real win-win on our hands.
can the president send a clearer message that public schools suck and he is giving up on them? seriously what does this solve in the long term? so, up to 1700 kids will get to go to private schools. what about the hundreds of thousands who don't?
there are plenty of middle class people who can't afford to send their kids to private school. now their kids get doubly screwed. not only does the government take funding away from their public schools, but it doesn't allow them to be eligible for the grants.
there are also plenty of middle class people who scrap up enough cash to send their kids to private school. now those kids are going to have a tougher time getting in because of this program (i.e johnny and susie are equal but susie is part of the voucher plan so she gets in). so they will be forced back into the crappy public schools. did i mention that these will be even more under-funded now? also, unlike with race (i.e affirmative action), income level can change. maybe you have a middle class family with two working parents. maybe one will quit so their kid will be eligible for the voucher.
on a side this is so fucking typical of education: in public schools the middle-of-the-road kids get fucked over. i can't even tell you how many steps are made in public schools towards helping below average, non-motivated students who are barely going to graduate. but the actual average kid gets overlooked cuz he/she doesn't cause problems. i saw it so many times as a teacher. anyway, back to the voucher plan.
it seems safe to assume that all of the low-income applicants will have to meet the same academic standards as any other applicant (if not i have to believe this plan would never have passed). so in essence you are taking the best low-income kids out of the schools. teachers who have 2 bright kids out of 30 are going to be left with the 28 others. look for DC public school teacher resignations to grow.
although it is not a reason to oppose the plan, you can't ignore the fact that the richer families will be in an uproar now that their private school kids' classes will potentially grow in size. and it's safe to say that will be their most politically correct complaint...
so public schools will clearly get worse, and private schools (in which parents have a lot of pull because they are paying everyone's salaries) will be filled with even more controversy than usual, which will be sure to foster a good learning environment. wow. looks like we have a real win-win on our hands.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
those lovable lakers
remember in 3rd grade, when you lost a game or didn't get a call you'd be all "the ref doesn't like me! he's out to get me!"? apparently 10 years in the nba and 3 world championships have done little to squash this attitude for shaquille o'neal, who said this about the ref the other nite in his profanity-laced post-game interview:
"don't be calling bull because you don't like a guy. that guy has a clear understanding over the years that he don't like me."
also for all you delusional kobe fans out there who think he is the next mj, i found this on espn.com:
O'Neill [an opposing coach] said he would rather play the Lakers with Bryant in the lineup. "That's no knock on Kobe whatsoever. I just think they are probably more focused on getting the ball inside with him out, and if they are, that's a problem for us."
i can't exactly see jerry sloan saying "yeah we wanna play the bulls with michael. i hope he gets over that flu really quick. bryon russell is a great match defensively. we will struggle if jordan's not playing."
remember in 3rd grade, when you lost a game or didn't get a call you'd be all "the ref doesn't like me! he's out to get me!"? apparently 10 years in the nba and 3 world championships have done little to squash this attitude for shaquille o'neal, who said this about the ref the other nite in his profanity-laced post-game interview:
"don't be calling bull because you don't like a guy. that guy has a clear understanding over the years that he don't like me."
also for all you delusional kobe fans out there who think he is the next mj, i found this on espn.com:
O'Neill [an opposing coach] said he would rather play the Lakers with Bryant in the lineup. "That's no knock on Kobe whatsoever. I just think they are probably more focused on getting the ball inside with him out, and if they are, that's a problem for us."
i can't exactly see jerry sloan saying "yeah we wanna play the bulls with michael. i hope he gets over that flu really quick. bryon russell is a great match defensively. we will struggle if jordan's not playing."
i just got the following email from the lady who stations the front desk:
"There is a black and white dog running around. Animal control is coming to pick it up. "
is this not strange?
also, i'd say the odds are 2-1 that within 5 minutes i will receive a reply-to-all from some dumbass downstairs to the effect of "i'll be on the lookout. thanks." which will then start a waterfall of "i've seen him!" reply-to-alls. if this does indeed happen, i think i will reply-to-all with "woof!"
"There is a black and white dog running around. Animal control is coming to pick it up. "
is this not strange?
also, i'd say the odds are 2-1 that within 5 minutes i will receive a reply-to-all from some dumbass downstairs to the effect of "i'll be on the lookout. thanks." which will then start a waterfall of "i've seen him!" reply-to-alls. if this does indeed happen, i think i will reply-to-all with "woof!"
Monday, February 02, 2004
so we went to a super bowl party last nite. we didn't know most of the people there. ever notice that the super bowl is the #1 time of year when people talk out of their asses about sports? like some guy who doesn't even know how many yards are on the field will sit there and critique the play calling. that type of shit. it never fails.
anyway, during one timeout the cameras panned to the cheerleaders and then cbs put a 'van helsing' ad up, blocking like 3/4's of the screen. so this sort of chubby guy (who we overheard earlier talking about how he benches more than some of the other guys at the party) says "i don't wanna see the movies, i wanna see the boobies!"
this is the kind of guy who literally bounces up and down on the couch when he laughs. not just his head. his whole body. when the horse farted on the bud light commercial i think the couch caught some air. naturally he was thrilled with himself for making a quasi-rhyme and sure enough the couch started rockin'.
he and the 32 ft/sec/sec guy should get together.
anyway, during one timeout the cameras panned to the cheerleaders and then cbs put a 'van helsing' ad up, blocking like 3/4's of the screen. so this sort of chubby guy (who we overheard earlier talking about how he benches more than some of the other guys at the party) says "i don't wanna see the movies, i wanna see the boobies!"
this is the kind of guy who literally bounces up and down on the couch when he laughs. not just his head. his whole body. when the horse farted on the bud light commercial i think the couch caught some air. naturally he was thrilled with himself for making a quasi-rhyme and sure enough the couch started rockin'.
he and the 32 ft/sec/sec guy should get together.
